Short Story to be Checked
Make a short story using the following words,
Around 10-20 sentences.
odin, yule, runes, ladd(young man), berserk
Leif, who was a young ladd leaves his city, but not before an impromptu yule celebration. As he steps foot into the new city he gets displaced and lands In Valhalla, where the worship of Odin seems to have prevailed. The Viking men and women present there gathered around him and went berserk as his presence occurred to them as an invader. They got their armory of weapons and brought them towards Lief, demanding for an answer as to who he was. He seemed lost, not knowing where he had landed. His lips seemed molded of clay, he was frightened, half perplexed. Leif didn’t know what to do. As he looked around something grabbed his attention. It was the runes that had been carved in the centre of a stone. He remembered reading about them yet he didn’t know what it meant. the Vikings got fierce as Lief was still silenced. They carried him away. He didn’t try to release himself from their clasp as he knew that if he did, he’d be dead in no time. Lief became one among the Viking men as a result of his compliance.
Top answer
The tenses are messed up. You start in present tense and then abruptly switch to past. I cannot follow the thread of the story.
- The tenses are messed up.
- You start in present tense and then abruptly switch to past.
- I cannot follow the thread of the story.
- The transitions between sentences are either odd or nonexistent, which creates a very jerky style.
- And some of the vocabulary or phrasing is strange.
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The tenses are messed up. You start in present tense and then abruptly switch to past. I cannot follow the thread of the story. The transitions between sentences are either odd or nonexistent, which creates a very jerky style. And some of the vocabulary or phrasing is strange.
There is no "hook" sentence at the beginning to make the reader curious and interested.
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