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LChi Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Short Story :)
Hello all! This is an excerpt from the short story I was writing.
Her smile dropped off from her lips the moment she saw a quite familiar face she expected she wouldn't see in her designated classroom. She scrunched her eyebrows in both confusion and disappointment. At that very moment, there was only one question in her mind, why on earth is that jerk here?
That jerk she was talking about was the boy who dumped her two years ago before their summer vacation when they were in their first year in college. By now, she should have recovered from all the shock and sorrow it caused her. But then, recovering for her was never easy. From those past two years, all she did was to struggle not to cross paths with him, was to avoid him, was to not talk to him, was to ignore him and was to pretend he didn't exist.Only if she could run away from this distress, she would definitely do it.
Those two years had passed and students were looking forward for the next semester of their lives. She, on the other hand, was looking forward for this semester's section assignment. She was deeply hoping for the impossible thing to happen.Much to her surprise, it happened. They were separated into two sections. She was so happy that she made plans for her mini celebration with her friends. She merrily looked forward into it and couldn't wait for the scheduled first day of class. But then, a sudden turn of events happened.
"Isn't he supposed to be in the other section?" she whispered anxiously to her classmate sitting beside her.
"Oh…"her classmate quickly responded. "I thought you knew about it. They merged the two sections into one since we're small in number."
"Seriously!?" her eyes dilated in disgust.
Thanks in advance!
Her smile dropped off from her lips the moment she saw a quite familiar face she expected she wouldn't see in her designated classroom. She scrunched her eyebrows in both confusion and disappointment. At that very moment, there was only one question in her mind, why on earth is that jerk here?
That jerk she was talking about was the boy who dumped her two years ago before their summer vacation when they were in their first year in college. By now, she should have recovered from all the shock and sorrow it caused her. But then, recovering for her was never easy. From those past two years, all she did was to struggle not to cross paths with him, was to avoid him, was to not talk to him, was to ignore him and was to pretend he didn't exist.Only if she could run away from this distress, she would definitely do it.
Those two years had passed and students were looking forward for the next semester of their lives. She, on the other hand, was looking forward for this semester's section assignment. She was deeply hoping for the impossible thing to happen.Much to her surprise, it happened. They were separated into two sections. She was so happy that she made plans for her mini celebration with her friends. She merrily looked forward into it and couldn't wait for the scheduled first day of class. But then, a sudden turn of events happened.
"Isn't he supposed to be in the other section?" she whispered anxiously to her classmate sitting beside her.
"Oh…"her classmate quickly responded. "I thought you knew about it. They merged the two sections into one since we're small in number."
"Seriously!?" her eyes dilated in disgust.
Thanks in advance!
Top answer
You are using too many words. Your first paragraph should read like this: Her smile faded the moment she unexpectedly saw a familiar face in her classroom. She frowned in confusion and disappointment.
- You are using too many words.
- Your first paragraph should read like this: Her smile faded the moment she unexpectedly saw a familiar face in her classroom.
- She frowned in confusion and disappointment.
- Why on earth was that jerk here?
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1 Answers
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You are using too many words. Your first paragraph should read like this:
Her smile faded the moment she unexpectedly saw a familiar face in her classroom. She frowned in confusion and disappointment. Why on earth was that jerk here?
Her smile faded the moment she unexpectedly saw a familiar face in her classroom. She frowned in confusion and disappointment. Why on earth was that jerk here?
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