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Guest Posted 21 years ago
Grammar

Short quick correction

Hi there, I just wanted to know your impression and probable corrections to the below follow up email I sent to a headhunter in my job hunting process:

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Dear Mr ***,

Given that the cv initial submission process through "monster" system didn't seem to work couple of weeks ago and I just could send you my cv this week, just wanted to follow up and kindly ask if you had succesfully received it and in the process of assessing.

I'd also like to take the advantage and wish you a Merry Christmas,

With best regards,

yyyyyy

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...bluntly, good/bad/acceptable impression?

Thanks in advance
  

Top answer

It is bad form to mention excuses-- 'the cv initial submission process through "monster" system didn't seem to work'-- and it is also bad form to be even marginally pushy-- 'in the process of assessing'-- in this situation. It is he who is 'kindly', not you! Don't make the Christmas wishes so obvious.

  • It is bad form to mention excuses-- 'the cv initial submission process through "monster" system didn't seem to work'-- and it is also bad form to be even marginally pushy-- 'in the process of assessing'-- in this situation.
  • It is he who is 'kindly', not you!
  • Don't make the Christmas wishes so obvious.
  • 'Best regards' is too informal here.
  • It needs to be consistently formal (don't abbreviate): 'Dear Mr.
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1 Answers
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It is bad form to mention excuses-- 'the cv initial submission process through "monster" system didn't seem to work'-- and it is also bad form to be even marginally pushy-- 'in the process of assessing'-- in this situation. It is he who is 'kindly', not you! Don't make the Christmas wishes so obvious. 'Best regards' is too informal here. It needs to be consistently formal (don't abbreviate):

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