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Aanvik Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Short Passage
Hello Sir,
I wrote/have written? a short passage and I would really appreciate if you could review this and improve it to look it more professional and change any grammatical mistakes, if any.
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This is a short story about a professional. He started his career as a developer and reached upto level of CEO in less then 15 years of timespan. I have had a chance to work with him, when I was a developer and he was my project manager and I must admit that I have learned a lot from him. He is a true inspiration for any one who wants to succeed in career. I had attended several meetings with him and I was astonished to see his communication skills and gestures, the way he delivers his speech, which could mesmerize anyone.
It was a great honor working with such an iconic personality and I admire him very much.
I wrote/have written? a short passage and I would really appreciate if you could review this and improve it to look it more professional and change any grammatical mistakes, if any.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a short story about a professional. He started his career as a developer and reached upto level of CEO in less then 15 years of timespan. I have had a chance to work with him, when I was a developer and he was my project manager and I must admit that I have learned a lot from him. He is a true inspiration for any one who wants to succeed in career. I had attended several meetings with him and I was astonished to see his communication skills and gestures, the way he delivers his speech, which could mesmerize anyone.
It was a great honor working with such an iconic personality and I admire him very much.
Top answer
There are some problems here with flow, stiff phrasing, and so forth. So, rather than trying to polish this up, let me put all my suggestions into a new version. Use what you find helpful.
- There are some problems here with flow, stiff phrasing, and so forth.
- So, rather than trying to polish this up, let me put all my suggestions into a new version.
- Use what you find helpful.
- ) This is how I would word the statement: I would like to tell you about a true professional that I know and admire.
- JJ started his career as a developer and rose to the top as CEO in less than 15 years.
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2 Answers
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There are some problems here with flow, stiff phrasing, and so forth. So, rather than trying to polish this up, let me put all my suggestions into a new version. Use what you find helpful. (I would use his name--here I call him "JJ".) This is how I would word the statement:
I would like to tell you about a true professional that I know and admire. JJ started his caree
I would like to tell you about a true professional that I know and admire. JJ started his caree
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