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Yoong Liat Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
short passage
1 b 00 This passage is meant for year 2 students. Please edit it for me. Any suggestions to improve it are welcome. Thank you very much. 02 b 00 02 br
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01 b 02 b 01 i 00 02 i 00 Last week, Mr Tan, the form teacher, told his class that they would be doing spring-cleaning. The children were very excited. 00 02 br
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00 00 Jack and Peter mopped the floor. Jack was so engrossed in cleaning the floor that he did know realise that he had kicked the pail of water. Peter was did not see the puddle of water on the floor behind him. As he stepped backwards while mopping the floor, he slipped and fell. Fortunately, he was not seriously injured. 00 02 br
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00 00 Other than this incident, everything went on smoothly. The floor, the windows and the whiteboard were cleaned. 00 02 br
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00 00 Mr Tan was pleased that all the pupils played their part in cleaning up the classroom. He thanked them. 02 br
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00 0-
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01 b 02 b 01 i 00 02 i 00 Last week, Mr Tan, the form teacher, told his class that they would be doing spring-cleaning. The children were very excited. 00 02 br
02 br
00 00 Jack and Peter mopped the floor. Jack was so engrossed in cleaning the floor that he did know realise that he had kicked the pail of water. Peter was did not see the puddle of water on the floor behind him. As he stepped backwards while mopping the floor, he slipped and fell. Fortunately, he was not seriously injured. 00 02 br
02 br
00 00 Other than this incident, everything went on smoothly. The floor, the windows and the whiteboard were cleaned. 00 02 br
02 br
00 00 Mr Tan was pleased that all the pupils played their part in cleaning up the classroom. He thanked them. 02 br
02 br
00 02 br
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00 0-
Top answer
0 01 blockquote 01 cite 10 Yoong Liat 12 cite 12 br 10 10 Jack and Peter mopped the floor. 12 br 12 br 10 I think the grammar is correct and I only see one mistake: 11 i 10 know 12 i 10 . 22 blockquote 22 br 12 br 11 i 10 Was 12 i 10 cannot be used here, as you've already used 11 i 10 did 12 i 10 , which is the correct word.
- 0 01 blockquote 01 cite 10 Yoong Liat 12 cite 12 br 10 10 Jack and Peter mopped the floor.
- 12 br 12 br 10 I think the grammar is correct and I only see one mistake: 11 i 10 know 12 i 10 .
- 22 blockquote 22 br 12 br 11 i 10 Was 12 i 10 cannot be used here, as you've already used 11 i 10 did 12 i 10 , which is the correct word.
- 20 This happened after the students had already cleaned the room, if I understand correctly.
- ' 22 br 22 br 20 Also, I would skip the blank lines and instead write it like this: 22 br 22 br 21 i 20 'Last week, Mr Tan, the form teacher, told his class that they would be doing spring-cleaning.
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4 Answers
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0 01 blockquote
01 cite 10 Yoong Liat 12 cite 12 br
10 10 Jack and Peter mopped the floor. Jack was so engrossed in cleaning the floor that he did 11 b 10 know 12 b 10 realise that he had kicked the pail of water. 12 br
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10 I think the grammar is correct and I only see one mistake: 11 i 10 know 12 i
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0 Thanks, Jenne, for pointing out the mistakes. 02 br
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00 All the best 0-
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00 All the best 0-
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0 I'm disappointed that Mr Tan uses a whiteboard, instead of a blackboard. 02 br
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00 A well-aimed chalk is an essential part of the educational process. A gently lobbed dry-wipe marker pen isn't quite the same. 02 br
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00 MrP 0-
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00 A well-aimed chalk is an essential part of the educational process. A gently lobbed dry-wipe marker pen isn't quite the same. 02 br
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00 MrP 0-
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0 In Singapore, during my school days, a blackboard was used. That was long ago. Nowadays our schools use whiteboards. 0-
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