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Last week was a very tough week for me, Many things happened that left me upset and maybe even a little emotional. The week started off with me just simply going to my classes, which is a great thing. However, there was one problem, I was forced to go with holes in my shoes. This really made me mad, because that is not the way that a college student is supposed to go to class, but I did. I had to because my parents refuse to help me in anyway. Actually, they have given up on me. Why? I am not sure, but I am positive that they have. Wearing shoes that has holes in them really enraged me for two reasons.  First, it is embarrassing, No one wants to be friends with a person who is wearing shoes with holes in them. Secondly, when I walked by people, and they started laughing, I was not sure why they were laughing or even if they were laughing at the fact that I was walking around campus with holes in my shoes. They could have easily been laughing at something or someone else, but I was not sure, so I got upset. After my classes were over for the day, I had to walk to work, which was not a problem, but last week, students were honking their horns, laughing, and waving at me. I got upset because these students thought that they were better than me because they were driving, and I walking. Why would they do this to me? I did not do them anything, and some I hardly even knew. I was ridiculed, teased, laughed at, and insulted while walking to work every day by strangers and classmates. It got to the point, where I had to take different ways to work to try to avoid people. I did not like seeing vehicles coming toward me because I was not sure if they were going to laugh at me. Last week was just like any other week; me trying desperately to make it own my own. I just simply went all my classes, went to work, and completed all homework assignments. Analyzing why I was so upset last week is not hard to do. I just hate the ways that everything in my life unfolded last week and during my life so far. I don’t want to wear shoes that have holes in them or walk to work every day. I find that to be completely unfair because I see other college students getting help from their parents, and my parents refuse to help me.  Every day, I see students driving and wearing nice clothes, but not me. I have to walk everywhere and do everything on my own, which is tough and often challenging. I get upset because I want to be just like them, I want to be normal,I want to wear nice clothes and be able to drive whenever and wherever I want. Is it fair that other college students have an unearned advantage over me? What did I do for this to happen? Why can’t I have freedom? Why do I have to work two jobs to support myself? I don’t see my classmates walking to work; why do I have to? I don’t want to be upset every day; I just simply want to be a normal college student. Is that too much to ask for?    [/quote]

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Hi Daden;

Here are some suggestions in line below.

I am glad that you hint in your essay that you are inwardly proud of your achievements in spite of adversity (I finished all my assignments; I work two jobs.) Being poor is nothing to be ashamed of. Some of our greatest Americans, like Abraham Lincoln, were born into poverty.

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Last week was a very tough week for me. Many things happened that left me upset and maybe even a little emotional. The week started off with me just simply going to my classes, which is a great thing. However, there was one problem. I was forced to go with holes in my shoes. (This implies that someone forced you to do this. It is probably better to say: My best pair of shoes were so worn that they had holes in them. ) This really made me mad because that is not the way that a college student is supposed to go to class, but I did. I had to because my parents refuse to help me in anyway (any way is 2 words here. That is different than the word, anyway.) . Actually, they have given up on me. Why, I am not sure, but I am positive that they have. Wearing shoes that have holes in them really enraged me for two reasons.

First, it was is embarrassing. No one wants to be friends with a person who is wearing shoes with holes in them. Secondly, when I walked by people, and they started laughing, I was not sure why they were laughing or even if they were laughing at the fact that I was walking around campus with holes in my shoes. (probably they don't laugh at a fact. Say ...I felt as though they were laughing at me and my worn-out shoes) They could have easily been laughing at something or someone else, But I was not sure, so I got upset.

After my classes were over for the day, I had to walk to work, which was not a problem. But last week, students were honking their horns, laughing, and waving at me. I got upset because these students thought that they were better than me because they were driving, and I was walking. Why would they do this to me? I did not do ~~them~~ anything to them, and some I hardly even knew. I was ridiculed, teased, laughed at, and insulted while walking to work every day by strangers and classmates. It got to the point, (no comma here) where I had to take different ways to work to try to avoid people. I did not like seeing vehicles coming toward me because I was not sure if they were going to laugh at me.

Last week was just like any other week; with me trying desperately to make it on my own. I just simply went all my classes, went to work, and completed all homework assignments.

Analyzing why I was so upset last week is not hard to do. I just hate the ways that everything in my life unfolded last week ~~and during my life so far~~. (you are analyzing what happened last week. You coold add: It seems to be a pattern in my life. ) I don’t want to wear shoes that have holes in them or walk to work every day. I find that to be completely unfair because I see other college students getting help from their parents, and my parents refuse to help me.

Every day, I see students driving and wearing nice clothes, but not me. I have to walk everywhere and do everything on my own, which is tough and often challenging. I get upset because I want to be just like them. I want to be normal. I want to wear nice clothes and be able to drive whenever and wherever I want. Is it fair that other college students have an unearned advantage over me? What did I do for this to happen? Why can’t I have freedom? Why do I have to work two jobs to support myself? I don’t see my classmates walking to work; why do I have to? I don’t want to be upset every day; I just simply want to be a normal college student. Is that too much to ask for?

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