Short email to a proffesor

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Hi,I hope I can find some one that could correct my email, pls------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Dr, Adam I got a scholarship to do my Phd degree but this time in  Canada, and I hope you can help me to write a recommendation letter to Canadian  institutions that I applied to. I’m advised by an agent who take care of the  scholarship process to have a recommendation letter from professor who taught  me English language since English is not my first language.  I hope you are doing well and had a nice vacation last  summer.Sincerely,Nana W.

MKKenny · Accepted Answer

My corrections:

"Dear Dr. Adam,
I received a scholarship to complete my PhD degree in Canada, and I was hoping that you might be able to help me by writing a recommendation letter to Canadian institutions that to which I have applied. An agent who handles the scholarship process has advised me to procure a recommendation letter from professor who taught me the English language since it is not my first language.

I hope you are doing well and that you had a nice vacation last summer.

Sincerely,
Nana W."

Some of your language was a little too informal for the occasion (like "got" and "applied to"), so I mainly tried to improve the word choices. Those words are fine for speaking, but when writing to a professor, it is best to use more formal words.

I can explain any of the changes I made if you would like me to.

Nana555 · Answer

Thank you soooooo much for helping me.
I just have one question ( Could you correct this sentence grammatically, cause i'm really curious to know my mistake in this sentence)
An agent who handles the scholarship process has advised me to procure a recommendation letter from professor who taught me the English language since it is not my first language.

Thank you in advance : )

MKKenny · Answer

Sure! There were small grammatical errors in that sentence, but I'm guessing you want to know why I changed its order.

Let's look at it this way. These are the parts of the sentence you wrote:

I was advised by an agent who takes care of the scholarship process to get a recommendation letter...

"I was advised...to get a recommendation letter" are two parts of the same idea, but they are separated by "an agent" and its modifying phrase. "I was advised..." is also passive voice, which is less clear to begin with, and then the idea is split up. It might sound okay when spoken, but when written it sounds informal and even confusing.

An agent who handles the scholarship process has advised me to procure a recommendation letter...

I changed it to active voice, where the agent is advising you, and I unified the green sections. It sounds more professional and is more clear.

Again, the way you wrote the sentence was not grammatically incorrect, but to me it sounded strange and indirect. Here's another example:

I was sent by the teacher who teaches my art class to get a book ---> The teacher who teaches my art class sent me to get a book.

I hope this makes it more obvious why I changed your sentence. By keeping the major action of your sentence together, and by using active voice, you can have a sentence that is easier to understand and sounds better.

Please don't hesitate to ask me anything else.

(I see I made a mistake in my previous post: where it says "institutions that to which I have applied" it should read "institutions to which I have applied," with no "that." I'm sorry, I must have accidentally left that word in when I was editing it.)

Nana555 · Answer

Thank you soooo much for your explanation, I appreciate that. It's really useful

Best wishes and thank you again

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