0
Yoong Liat Posted 19 years ago
Grammar

short composition

0 01b00Hi guys,02b02br
02br
01b00This short composition is meant for a student who is in his/her first year in school. Could someone please edit it for me. Thank you very much. 02b02br
02br
01b00 Last Sunday afternoon, my brother, Brandon, and I went to the beach with my parents. My father drove us there.02b00 02br
02br
01b00 When we reached the beach, my brother and I changed into our swimming trunks. Then we rushed to the sea, and swam. We threw a ball to each other. When we were tired, we went back to the shore. 02b00 02br
02br
01b00 About five minutes later, we had lunch with our parents. We ate the food cooked by my mother. I enjoyed the food cooked by her. After that, my brother and I read the books, which we had brought. About half an hour later, my father told us it was time to go home.02b00 02br
02br
01b00 Soon we were on our way home. A short while later, my brother and I soon fell asleep in the car. 02b00 02br
02br
01b00 When we reached home, my mother woke us up. 02b00 02br
02br
01b00 It was indeed an enjoyable day.02b0-
  

Top answer

0Hi Yoong Liat, 02br 02br 00The language is simple on purpose. "The food she cooked" is a lot more natural than "The food cooked by her" and "A short while later" is redundant with "soon," so you should pick one or the other, but not both. 02br 02br 01b 00This short composition is meant for a student who is in his/her first year in school.

— BarbaraPA

  • 0Hi Yoong Liat, 02br 02br 00The language is simple on purpose.
  • "The food she cooked" is a lot more natural than "The food cooked by her" and "A short while later" is redundant with "soon," so you should pick one or the other, but not both.
  • 02br 02br 01b 00This short composition is meant for a student who is in his/her first year in school.
  • Could someone please edit it for me.
  • Thank you very much.
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

2 Answers
0
0Hi Yoong Liat, 02br
02br
00The language is simple on purpose. "The food she cooked" is a lot more natural than "The food cooked by her" and "A short while later" is redundant with "soon," so you should pick one or the other, but not both. 02br
02br
01b00This short composition is meant for a student who is in his/her first year in school. Could some
0
0
0Barbara02br
02br
00I've noted your constructive comments.02br
02br
00Thank you very much.02br
02br
00Happy New Year.0-
0

Related Questions