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Davefromthefreeway Posted 19 years ago
Grammar

sentense structure/grammar and approporite wording help needed

0 00Good day, 02br
00Would someone who knows what she/he is talking about please help me make the following paragraph sound better and correct any grammatical errors it might have. Thanks a lot. 02br
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00Being a committed member of Western Association of Robotics Personnel for three years, I developed outstanding leadership and teamwork skills that I use on daily basis. During my second year of participation in FIRST robotics our team won the Greater Toronto Regional with over 80 teams and went to the National Championship, which was located in Atlanta, Georgia. By working hard and being dedicated I was promoted to the head of electrical team. When my teachers heard how interested I was in engineering they recommended your 00Engineering Enrichment Program, which I entered with fascination and enthusiasm. 00DEEP showed me just how exciting hands on work may be and Saturday Science Academy inspired me so much that I feel I will stop at nothing to peruse my dream and get into an exciting field of engineering.02br
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00 0-
  

Top answer

0Hi Dave,02br 02br 01font 00As a committed member of the Western Association of Robotics Personnel for three years, I have developed outstanding leadership and teamwork skills that I use on a daily basis. During my three years of participation in FIRST robotics, our team defeated 80 others to win the Greater Toronto Regional and went to the national Championship in Atlanta, Georgia. In the 2006 FIRST Vex Challenge, I was responsible for designing and developing a mini-robot that had to be able to solve a specific challenge.

  • 0Hi Dave,02br 02br 01font 00As a committed member of the Western Association of Robotics Personnel for three years, I have developed outstanding leadership and teamwork skills that I use on a daily basis.
  • During my three years of participation in FIRST robotics, our team defeated 80 others to win the Greater Toronto Regional and went to the national Championship in Atlanta, Georgia.
  • In the 2006 FIRST Vex Challenge, I was responsible for designing and developing a mini-robot that had to be able to solve a specific challenge.
  • Becuase of my hard work and dedication, I was promoted to head of the electrical team by my second year.
  • When my teachers saw how interested I was in engineering, they recommended your Engineering Enrichment Program, which I entered with fascination and enthusiasm.
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3 Answers
0
0Hi Dave,02br
02br
01font00As a committed member of the Western Association of Robotics Personnel for three years, I have developed outstanding leadership and teamwork skills that I use on a daily basis. During my three years of participation in FIRST robotics, our team defeated 80 others to win the Greater Toronto Regional and went to the national
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0Thank you Clive, you have no idea how much this means to me 05002hr
00 010id1
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0Ontario guys gotta stick together.02br
02br
00Clive0-

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