Sentences to check from travel articles (Ethiopia)

Question

I have written a articles about a recent journey to Ethiopia and would like to check some sentences. In some I have highlighted the word I'm asking about in italics.

The hotel has a series of rooms opening onto a central spacious courtyard.
The bridge looked sadly forlorn (can I say forlorn of an object?)
(from http://www.licinio.altervista.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=725:the-blue-nile-gorge&catid=59:ethiopia

The last tract of the road was flanked by houses on either side.
This is my first en-masse sighting of Ethiopian people in traditional dress.
The 29 January is a Marian feast day in this country.
Can you say that a view is grandiose?
(from http://www.licinio.altervista.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=724:debre-libanos&catid=59:ethiopia)

The road winds its way out of Addis in a series of bends that overcome the slope from the top of which the capital appears spread out in its 7 million people immensity.
I’m outright steeped into the Ethiopian hinterland, as I will be for the next three weeks. (can this mean the countryside as opposed to the city? Could I use countryside here?)
(from http://www.licinio.altervista.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=723:the-muger-gorge&catid=59:ethiopia)

The woman had seen all the countries of Africa barring Togo.
You hunt big animals and shoot birds? Or can I say hunt for birds too?
(from http://www.licinio.altervista.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=722:a-jet-plane-like-the-orient-express&catid=59:ethiopia)

Thanks... and will post more

Andrea

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

The hotel has a series of rooms opening onto a spacious central courtyard.
The bridge looked forlorn.
The last section of the road was flanked by houses.
This is the first time I have seen many Ethiopians in traditional dress.
January 29th is a Marian feast day in this country.
Can you say that a view is grandiose?-- Let's see your sentence.
The road winds its way out of Addis Ababa in a series of hairpin turns up the slope from the top of which the capital appears spread out in the immensity of its population of 7 million.
I’m steeped in the Ethiopian hinterland/countryside, as I will be for the next three weeks
The woman had seen all the countries of Africa barring Togo.
You hunt big game and birds?

Licinio · Answer

Thanks for your corrections, Micawber.

The full sentence with "grandiose" is as follows:
The bridge (in fact erroneously ascribed to the Portuguese) is indeed fascinating and the view over the gorge backdrop is grandiose.

Mister Micawber · Answer

The bridge (in fact erroneously ascribed to the Portuguese) is indeed fascinating, and the view overlooking the gorge is grandiose.

I have modified to what I think is meant.

Licinio · Answer

Here I am again with more sentences. I have used bold to highlight the dubious phrases.

After two churches the group unanimously decided to call it a day and skip the few others that were theoretically included in the schedule. Not because we had grown bored of them, but because the entrance fee levied at each would have ended up making the outing rather too expensive, without us laypeople gaining any more knowledge of this however remarkable form of art.
I am not sure whether I have used "however" correctly. I wanted to convey a concessive meaning. In other words: However remarkable this art was, we wouldn't have gained any more insight in visiting more churches.

The Blue Nile fall is not even worth giving a thought to, now that a recent power plant had diverted the mass of water from the former spectacular drop through conduits ending in turbines.
Is this the right word?

We were later joined by the would-be guide that lay stalking for tourists.

I was sure that what books I’d buy would be resold for money on the moment I turned my back.
Do I need the preposition "on" or can I leave it out?

The church had an octagonal plan.

From http://www.licinio.altervista.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=726:the-lake-tana-monasteries&catid=59:ethiopia

Mister Micawber · Answer

No need to highlight any phrases. I will find any problems and bold the corrections. Generally, you are not editing out the overly wordy parts:

After two churches, the group all decided to call it a day and skip the few others that were included in the schedule—not because we had grown bored with churches, but because the entrance fees would have made the outing too expensive, without our learning any more about this form of art, however remarkable.

The Blue Nile fall is no longer worth visiting now that a power plant has diverted most of the formerly spectacular waterfall through conduits to turbines.

We were later joined by the would-be guide who lay in ambush for / who stalked tourists.

I was sure that any books I’d buy would be resold the moment I turned my back.

(Do I need the preposition "on" or can I leave it out?--'On' is not possible.)

The church had an octagonal plan.

Licinio · Answer

Thanks for your recommendation. Here are three more sentences I would like to check.

The place is so atmospheric that I believe myself to be a traveller to this distant country at a time when travel was not in the hands of the masses.

The purpose then may not have been leisure, but rather work in the administration or business errands to what was a bustling town being developed according to a carefully studied plan.

Today, as back then, a few quiet couples are lounging on the chairs scattered across the terrace to sip a glass of ice-cold beer.

From http://www.licinio.altervista.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=727:the-gonder-of-the-italians&catid=59:ethiopia

Mister Micawber · Answer

The place is so atmospheric that I believe myself to be a traveller to this distant country at a time when travel was not in the hands of the masses.-- This is a lot of words carrying no clear meaning at all, licinio. What does atmosphere have to do with the masses? And 'atmosphere' has no meaning without an indication of what kind it is. If the following is what you mean, then you should just write it clearly: 'The place looks very traditional/parochial/natural, as if it has seen few tourists.'

The purpose then was not pleasure but a business trip to a bustling town being methodically developed.

Today as then, quiet couples are lounging on the chairs scattered across the terrace and sipping ice-cold beer.

Your sentences are getting more stilted. Writers should not fall in love with their own words.

Licinio · Answer

Mister MicawberThe place is so atmospheric that I believe myself to be a traveller to this distant country at a time when travel was not in the hands of the masses.-- This is a lot of words carrying no clear meaning at all, licinio. What does atmosphere have to do with the masses? And 'atmosphere' has no meaning without an indication of what kind it is. If the following is what you mean, then you should just write it clearly: 'The place looks very traditional/parochial/natural, as if it has seen few tourists.'

I meant "atmospheric" to point forward to the "time when travel was not in the hands of the masses". In other words, upon entering that hotel I felt as if all of a sudden I was living in a past epoch because its set-up still recreated the atmosphere in my eyes.

The post office stands at the end of the avenue, painted in its original cream yellow colour with aqua profiles.

All there is to see today is an architectural effort that is a remarkable testimony of the 1930’s, possibly a single-minded style, but pursuing goals of aesthetic ambition as well as of functional utility

Mister Micawber · Answer

The post office stands at the end of the avenue, painted in its original cream yellow colour with aqua facade (?)-- I don't understand 'profiles'.

What there is to see today is a remarkable testimony to the architecture of the 1930’s: possibly a single-minded style, but aesthetically ambitious as well as functional.

Licinio · Answer

Thanks again.

Profiles: it's obviously the wrong word, sorry. What I meant were linear architectural elements around windows for instance drawing frames or just breaking the flatness of the facade. Maybe contours or frames? I could always use elements without wanting to be too specific.

Here are more sentences I'd like to check:

There was only a handful of people around and the tranquillity of the place lulled me into a state of bliss.

Of course Gonder has much more to it than what I described of its 20^th century architecture.

Yesterday, I started my tour by taking a pleasant walk to an ancient church lying on the outskirts of town that boasts outstanding wall paintings.

The morning I devoted to the visit of the royal enclosure (I'm just curious to know if this is an acceptable alternative for "I devoted the morning to the visit of...")

Sport has become his pride and joy and whatever he does, he always has one goal on his mind, to become a famous boxer some day. (I'm not sure "pride and joy" can refer to something rather than a person)

Most notably the hoarding of this wealth (I'm talking about cattle) is as damaging to the environment as much as speculation on financial tools has proved detrimental to the public good.

Sentences to check from travel articles (Ethiopia)

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