0
Sailsofoblivion Posted 11 years ago
Vocabulary
Sentences Not Connecting
I was advised that these sentences do not connect very well with each other, and what I have in red is my attempt to solve it. Does they link better now? And, on that note, is it better if I say "and" or "to" support her? Should I also say "financially" or is that clearly implied anyway? Maybe even "to widen her horizons"?
Original: He sighed. Alice had few prospects now that her parents were dead, but he could do nothing to change her situation. Now, alcohol was his true companion. It stamped out any feeling he once had for business.
Edit: He sighed. Alice had few prospects now that her parents were dead, but he could do nothing to change her situation. Now, alcohol was his true companion. It stamped out any feeling he once had for business. Even if the war ended and the economy recovered, he would not be able to establish another successful business to/and support her.
Original: He sighed. Alice had few prospects now that her parents were dead, but he could do nothing to change her situation. Now, alcohol was his true companion. It stamped out any feeling he once had for business.
Edit: He sighed. Alice had few prospects now that her parents were dead, but he could do nothing to change her situation. Now, alcohol was his true companion. It stamped out any feeling he once had for business. Even if the war ended and the economy recovered, he would not be able to establish another successful business to/and support her.
Top answer
I like the original, actually; it is dramatic. And it seems that you haven't changed it in your edit. Adding a sentence afterward does not change the connections in the original text.
- I like the original, actually; it is dramatic.
- And it seems that you haven't changed it in your edit.
- Adding a sentence afterward does not change the connections in the original text.
- However, that sentence is OK.
- sailsofoblivion , is it better if I say "and" or "to" support her?
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
2 Answers
0
I like the original, actually; it is dramatic. And it seems that you haven't changed it in your edit. Adding a sentence afterward does not change the connections in the original text. However, that sentence is OK.
sailsofoblivion, is it better if I say "and" or "to" support her?Either is OK.
sailsofoblivionShould I also say "financial
00
sailsofoblivionI was advised that these sentences do not connect very well with each other, and what I have in red is my attempt to solve it.Connections and links imply material placed between other material. I'm surprised you simply appended more material and believed it created a link. What you added is fine, but are you sure that satisfies the adv
0
Related Questions