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Panda blue 483 Posted 8 years ago
Grammar

Sentence usage/accuracy.

As each episode ended it advertised the next and made them look so much better but never delivered and we were into a third before we couldn't watch anymore.


This is a bad sentence but is it technically wrong (stringing the phrases with the conjunctions). It feels like parts of it need structuring into separate sentences.

  

Top answer

" It is still babbly and breathless, though, which is good if that's what you want, perhaps in rendering speech. The repeated conjunctions are a rhetorical device called polysyndeton (which works better here without the commas, actually). To make it more normal, I might chop it thus: "As each episode ended, it advertised the next and made them look so much better.

  • " It is still babbly and breathless, though, which is good if that's what you want, perhaps in rendering speech.
  • The repeated conjunctions are a rhetorical device called polysyndeton (which works better here without the commas, actually).
  • To make it more normal, I might chop it thus: "As each episode ended, it advertised the next and made them look so much better.
  • "
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1 Answers
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Commas are needed in conventional writing:

"As each episode ended, it advertised the next and made them look so much better but never delivered, and we were into a third before we couldn't watch anymore."

It is still babbly and breathless, though, which is good if that's what you want, perhaps in rendering speech. The repeated conjunctions are a rhetorical device called polysyndeto

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