sentence structure question

Question

Yesterday, I rediscovered Neon Genesis Evangelion. Almost for the first time, I didn't quite get used to the meaningful dialogues, the exploration of characters in a multi—dimensional way, unsittingMore…uniting long shots and constant repeat of several frames noting the torment they go through. I dive into the convoluted thoughts that they have submerged themselves in from episode 20 and up.

Or should I use they have been submerged in? Which one is better?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

There are many errors in your passage.
Almost for the first time - this expression does not fit the sentence.
Unsitting is not a word.
This is not a complete sentence:
More…uniting long shots and constant repeat of several frames noting the torment they go through.

What are you trying to say here? It does not make sense to me.
I dive into the convoluted thoughts that they have submerged themselves in from episode 20 and up.

Barefootchuck · Answer

1. Almost for the first time

I was trying to emphasize the contrast between watching Neon Genesis Evangelion then and watching it now. I remembered it as a lighthearted series so I was not prepared to see it in a different light. Therefore, I used almost to describe the unprepared suddenness. Does it still seem unfit?

2.Unsitting
Yeah.... i kinda realized it later.. how about unsettling?

3. More…uniting long shots...
Opps, that's not supposed to be there. It should be:

Almost for the first time, I didn't quite get used to the meaningful dialogues, the exploration of characters in a muti-dimensional way, unsitting long shots and constant repeat of several frames noting the torment they go through.

4. I dive into the convoluted thoughts that they have submerged themselves in from episode 20 and up.
The first 19 episodes are lighthearted and from 20 eps till the end, and I was trying to express that the story delves deeper and deeper into each characters' psyche and presents the process in a dramatic and even chaotic kind of way. I tried to make a comparison between convoluted thoughts and water as if they are the same thing.

complete paragraphs:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upon first reading the series, I was only nine at the time. Back then, what captured my eyes is, above all, pure entertainment of fighting, action and some fanservice. Now looking back, I forgot when, how or why I stopped reading them; it could be we ran out of the volumes.

Yesterday, I rediscovered NGE. Almost for the first time, I didn't quite get used to the meaningful dialogues, the exploration of characters in a muti-dimensional way, unsitting long shots and constant repeat of several frames noting the torment they go through. I dive into the convoluted thoughts they submerged themselves in from episode 20 and up. It is sizzling. The anime makes me wonder about life, ponder the significance, and what fakery I have committed towards being a human. Like bunches of raw potato chips were thrown into the deep fry cage, the sizzling does not stop. Whenever I think about anything, NGE comes in like a dark knight with a Progressive Knife, slashing away my dreams and illusions.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

barefootchuck1. Almost for the first timeI was trying to emphasize the contrast between watching Neon Genesis Evangelion then and watching it now. I remembered it as a lighthearted series so I was not prepared to see it in a different light. Therefore, I used almost to describe the unprepared suddenness. Does it still seem unfit?

Is this what you wanted to say?
Yesterday, I rediscovered Neon Genesis Evangelion. At first, I ~~didn't~~ couldn't quite get used to (or - didn't appreciate) the meaningful dialogues, the exploration of characters in a multidimensional way, the unsettling long shots and constant repetition of several frames exaggerating the torment that the characters go through. (or the characters' torment)

barefootchuck4. I dive into the convoluted thoughts that they have submerged themselves in from episode 20 and up.The first 19 episodes are lighthearted and from 20 eps till the end, and I was trying to express that the story delves deeper and deeper into each characters' psyche and presents the process in a dramatic and even chaotic kind of way. I tried to make a comparison between convoluted thoughts and water as if they are the same thing.

Water does not work well as a metaphor for thoughts. You can be lost in thought, but you really cannot figuratively dive into thoughts. Also water is not convoluted.

It is OK with plot - a plot can be convoluted. The plot of course is created by the writer, not the characters. The writer can submerge the characters into a complex plot.

potato chips - these come in a tin or a bag. They are already cooked. Maybe you mean slices or sticks of raw potato.

Like bunches of sliced raw potato ~~were~~ thrown into a deep fry cage, the sizzling does not stop.

Barefootchuck · Answer

thanks for your thorough answers and comments! I hope one last question won't hurt:

after thinking what you said about water metaphor, I came up with a bit more concise sentence, in replacing of "I dive into the convoluted thoughts they submerged themselves in from episode 20 and up. It is sizzling. The anime makes me wonder about life, ponder the significance, and what fakery I have committed towards being a human."

Submerging involuntarily into the complex plot from episode 20 and up, I was made to wonder about life, ponder the significance, and what fakery I have committed towards being human.

what do you think?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Submerging involuntarily into the complex plot from episode 20 and up, I was made to wonder about life, ponder the significance, and what fakery I have committed towards being human.

How about this:

Sucked (or Lured) into the maelstrom of the complex plot starting at episode 20, I was made to wonder about life, ponder its significance, and consider what duplicities I have committed in my human existence.

Barefootchuck · Answer

thanks! thats quite brilliant.

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