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Ryansamturner Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Sentence Structure. Is this ok?

'I didn’t know much about stillbirths. Actually, I was completely uneducated on the subject, but despite my lack of knowledge, her suggestion still shocked me. It caught me off guard.'

I'm thinking that I should possibly change it to the below.

'I didn’t know much about stillbirths. Actually, I was completely uneducated on the subject. But despite my lack of knowledge, her suggestion still shocked me. It caught me off guard.'

What do you think?
  

Top answer

The use of "despite" implies that lack of knowledge would normally be expected to reduce the shock. Is that what you intend?

  • The use of "despite" implies that lack of knowledge would normally be expected to reduce the shock.
  • Is that what you intend?
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3 Answers
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The use of "despite" implies that lack of knowledge would normally be expected to reduce the shock. Is that what you intend?
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Yeah, that's correct.

The bit I'm bothered about is 'but'.

I'm not sure if the paragraph would benefit from this being the beginning of a new sentence. 'But despite my lack........'
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This is purely a stylistic choice. Starting a new sentence at "But" makes the passage seem faster-paced and more chatty.

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