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Knowledge123 Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Sentence structure help
The grammar forum says that don't post paragraphs here. I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I'm confused about the sentence structure in this paragraph.
I'm studying Elements of style by stunk. A paragraph in a book is given to rewrite.
The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive programme will be presented.
Rewrite it as follows
As, the third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton, the soloist showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music and proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation.
The series has been very gratifying to the Committee. As, the interest aroused, it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter.
The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive programe will be presented.
The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive programme will be presented.
I'm studying Elements of style by stunk. A paragraph in a book is given to rewrite.
The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive programme will be presented.
Rewrite it as follows
As, the third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton, the soloist showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music and proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation.
The series has been very gratifying to the Committee. As, the interest aroused, it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter.
The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive programe will be presented.
The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive programme will be presented.
Top answer
knowledge123 A paragraph in a book is given to rewrite. What were your specific instructions? I don't see that you've made any improvement or in fact changed the style, tenor or register in any way.
- knowledge123 A paragraph in a book is given to rewrite.
- What were your specific instructions?
- I don't see that you've made any improvement or in fact changed the style, tenor or register in any way.
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1 Answers
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knowledge123A paragraph in a book is given to rewrite.What were your specific instructions? I don't see that you've made any improvement or in fact changed the style, tenor or register in any way.
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