Sentence structure for mission statement

Question

I volunteer for an organization, and we are trying to revise our mission statement. We are getting a little hung up on the use of commas. I'd love any feedback! The mission statement currently reads:

Dedicated to preserving the ocean, coastal habitat and wildlife, and ending litter through advocacy, education, community building and citizen action.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

volunteer for an organization, and we are trying to revise our mission statement. We are getting a little hung up on the use of commas. I'd love any feedback! The mission statement currently reads:

Dedicated to preserving the ocean, coastal habitat and wildlife, and ending litter through advocacy, education, community building and citizen action.

The commas seem fine to me.

However, it sounds a little odd to me to say you will 'preserve the ocean'. I wonder if you need to be a little more specific?. It's such a huge aim, and it seems to contrast a bit with the later and more modest goal of ending litttering.

You know your aims best, of course.

Clive

Sentence structure for mission statement

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