Sentence structure
Hi!
I've been struggling with this sentence from my novel for a while now. I'm pretty sure that it's grammatically correct, but I feel the additional information may confuse the sentence.
Is there anything I can do to make the sentence clearer but, at the same time, keep the additional information, or am I being too picky and the sentence is fine as it is?
The rest of the time on Oxford Street was largely uneventful, except for the odd attractive woman who stared and smiled at me, or someone standing very close to me, through a bus window.
Thanks!
Top answer
I would insert "at" before "someone" for clarity. I may be being too picky myself, but I don't care for the use of "eventful" because the odd attractive woman is not an event. I understand that the smiling and staring are the events, but it doesn't read well.
- I would insert "at" before "someone" for clarity.
- I may be being too picky myself, but I don't care for the use of "eventful" because the odd attractive woman is not an event.
- I understand that the smiling and staring are the events, but it doesn't read well.
- Also, I wonder why the narrator might think she could be smiling and staring at someone close to him/her if it an occasional occurrence.
- That wouldn't be in the least bit likely.
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I would insert "at" before "someone" for clarity.
I may be being too picky myself, but I don't care for the use of "eventful" because the odd attractive woman is not an event. I understand that the smiling and staring are the events, but it doesn't read well. Also, I wonder why the narrator might think she could be smiling and staring at someone close to him/her if it an occasional occu
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