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Sailsofoblivion Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Sentence Structure
Hi, I'm struggling to structure a sentence, and I was hoping someone could help. I've tried my best, but it just doesn't seem right.
Thanks in advance.
This is done in a number of ways: for example, a number of interviews with former SeaWorld trainers are used, all of whom have been left disillusioned by their experiences, and footage of a number of orca attacks on humans (with emphasis placed on the fact that there has never been an orca attack on a human in the wild), as well as information about the inquest after trainer Dawn Brancheau’s death in 2010.
Thanks in advance.
This is done in a number of ways: for example, a number of interviews with former SeaWorld trainers are used, all of whom have been left disillusioned by their experiences, and footage of a number of orca attacks on humans (with emphasis placed on the fact that there has never been an orca attack on a human in the wild), as well as information about the inquest after trainer Dawn Brancheau’s death in 2010.
Top answer
It's too long, try to say the same in two or three sentences.
- It's too long, try to say the same in two or three sentences.
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2 Answers
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You are trying to cram too much into a single sentence.
I suggest this.
eg This is done in a number of ways. For example, a number of interviews with former SeaWorld trainers are used. All of these trainers have been left disillusioned by their experiences. Another example is the use of footage of a number of orca attacks on humans, with emphasis placed on the fact that there has neve
I suggest this.
eg This is done in a number of ways. For example, a number of interviews with former SeaWorld trainers are used. All of these trainers have been left disillusioned by their experiences. Another example is the use of footage of a number of orca attacks on humans, with emphasis placed on the fact that there has neve
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