Sentence structure

Question

I have been told that my sentences structure is complex and I need tips to overcome that. This is a passage I've written earlier and I need a correction and advice about the way I write. In my opinion, there should be some kind of obligatory first aid training because we may be the first on the scene or we may someday stumble upon somebody who needs reviving or help. For example, if somebody drowns, he will suffer from suffocation. In this case we need to know how to revive or resuscitate him, by feeling his pulse and checking his vital stats and his reaction. Even more, to examine and see if the patient needs mouth to mouth resuscitation and chest compressions until we contact a dispatch center or call an ambulance. Also in accidents if the victims were injured or had any wounds that would need to be dressed and the way to deal with severe cases like fractures concerning not to tilt or move them. In heart attack conditions we need to check the patient to see if he is awake or responsive, does he suffer from any airway difficulties and how to tilt his arms and legs correctly. Regarding parents, it is very important because their children may hurt themselves accidently and put their lives in jeopardy. They may suffer from burns, swallow objects and break bones or expose to sun for a long time which causes heat stroke. So definitely first aid training could save many lives including yours and your beloved people. Thanks in advance.

Clive · Accepted Answer

I have been told that my sentences structure is complex Yes, it is.
and I need tips to overcome that. This is a passage I've written earlier and I need a correction and advice about the way I write.

In my opinion, there should be some kind of obligatory first aid training.<<< Note how a shorter and simpler sentence states your main point more forcefully.

because we may be the first on the scene or we may someday stumble upon somebody who needs reviving or help. For example, if somebody drowns,<<< if you drown, you are dead he will suffer from suffocation. In this case we need to know how to revive or resuscitate him, by feeling his pulse and checking his vital stats and his reaction.

Even more, to examine and see if the patient needs mouth to mouth resuscitation and chest compressions until we contact a dispatch center or call an ambulance. This is not a complete sentence. It has no main clause.

Also in accidents if the victims were injured or had any wounds that would need to be dressed and the way to deal with severe cases like fractures concerning not to tilt or move them.Same comment

I'm not going to check the rest. As you can see from the above, long sentences are leading you into errors. Try to rewrite your paragraph in simpler sentences, and I'll be happy to check it for you.

Clive

Grammarfreak · Answer

Anonymous In heart attack conditions we need to check the patient to see if he is awake or responsive, does

Adding to Clive's comments, your sentences not only are complex in natural but also instructional which is a higher level of writing. For this line for instance, I would say " In the event of a heart attack, we must verify if the patient is conscious and responsive......".

For informative and instructional writing, the word choice and framing of the sentence should be stern and forcefully clear. You essay is coming across to as informative but with a tendency of many run-on sentences generally speaking. Just my observations.....

Anonymous · Answer

My native language is Arabic so It is not easy to form simple sentences in English, I really appreciate your respond.
about the main clause I searched for it and found that it consists of Verb and subject so in my sentence:
"Even more, to examine and see if the patient needs mouth to mouth resuscitation and chest compression until we contact a dispatch center or call an ambulance. This is not a complete sentence. It has no main clause."
could you please rewrite it to explain how it has no main clause so I imitate yours when I rewrite the passage.
I laughed when I read "if you drown, you are dead", how could I say it instead?
Thank you Mr.Clive for your help, have a nice day

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you Mr.grammarfreak, I really liked your rephrase, it looks more natural. yes may be informative and instructional writing are not appropriate for me now but I had the same problem when I speak generally.

Clive · Answer

I really appreciate your respond.
about the main clause I searched for it and found that it consists of Verb and subject so in my sentence:
"Even more, to examine and see if the patient needs mouth to mouth resuscitation and chest compression until we contact a dispatch center or call an ambulance. This is not a complete sentence. It has no main clause."
could you please rewrite it to explain how it has no main clause so I imitate yours when I rewrite the passage.

________________

Let's first consider much simpler examples.

To examine the patient. This is not a valid sentence.

We need to examine the patient. This is a valid sentence.

Do you understand the difference?

Clive

Grammarfreak · Answer

Anonymousmay be informative and instructional writing are not appropriate for me now but I had the same problem when I speak generally....

Anon,
To be honest, for someone who doesn't live in an English spoken environment, your English is actually quite good. As far as I am concerned, learning English has no boundaries. I love learning. It is stimulating and life -enriching. For English learning, the fluency and articulation only come with practice and time. Metphorically speaking, it can be compared to planting a young tree which needs proper soil, water, and sunshine to grow. To reach its maximum height, it may take many years. But as long as you keep practicing and polishing your English, it will keep improving. Anyone can learn to write informatively and instructionally. What you need to do is to find publications and materials related to this type of writing and study them.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes Sir, I did and that was very helpful, Thank you <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you Sir for your nice words

Yes, I've been studying now more than one year "continuously" but of course we study English in schools.
I'm trying to improve by reading, watching movies,...... .
I've written this one considering your directions of the main clause and simple sentence and I would like to know your opinion if there is an improvement in my sentences structure, Thanks

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It has always been my dream to travel all over the world. It is a lot of fun to get to know dissimilar cultures. I have never wanted to emigrate but I've always wondered how my life style would be If I were in a foreign country. Anyway I decided to save up for that purpose. I thought if I had saved certain percentage of my monthly wage, I would have been able to travel in 5 years. Finally I had had the suitable amount of money to travel. I made up my mind and picked 4 countries from 4 different continents to have an action-packed adventure. Firstly I thought of the United Sates because it is a multi-racial country. It is very attractive for immigrants who are pursuing their dream of a better life style. Also many asylum-seekers apply for asylum in the United States when their countries exile them usually for political reasons. I packed my bags and got ready for the journey. At 7 Am I jolted out of my bed and got dressed heavy clothes then I headed for the airport. When I arrived to the USA I felt anxious even though I acclimatized quickly to the weather. I was lost in translation a little bit but finally I managed to adapt. I have been told that I should look for commonality to hitch easily with people. I tried but everything went wrong when I asked the cab driver to take me to Kentucky but he headed for Kentucky the city in lieu of the restaurant. This little culture misconception cost me a lot of time and money. Although there were some kind of bias against Arabs but this discrimination was only from few people not the majority and I enjoyed travelling across the country. The second adventure was in Indonesia, a lovely Asian country which I enjoyed a lot. It is famous for its racial and religious diversity and Indonesian are very hospitable that they meet people with open arms. I enjoyed their cuisine which is full of spices. My third trip was to the Republic of Cameroon in Africa. I've been in an amazing safari and I met the local people who presented us their traditional food named Cassava. The food was very exotic that I was about to throw up but a friend of mine warned me that they may consider this as a racial behavior and cause a hassle. Later I watched them while they were celebrating festivities on the streets with diversity of colored-costumes and drums. The Last country was Spain in Europe. I've always wanted to visit it. I went sightseeing the Muslims' antiquities because it was a golden period of Muslims' civilization. The place I liked the most was Alhambra palace in Granada. I liked the Arabic architecture of the palace with its gardens and fountains everywhere. It was once in a life time experience that I would never forget.

Grammarfreak · Answer

You are doing well. Just keep studying.
I sort of glanced over your long essay. There are some issues with idiomaticality and phrasing, but over all, you followed the grammar rules. I wanted to add a comment about using " past perfect" construction. Sometimes, if the context is clear enough, past perfect is not necessary, and it can be expressed in simple past tense. I took the first paragraph and reworded to demonstrate how it would sound and flow naturally.

Revised
It has always been my dream to travel the world becasue learning different cultures not only is life-enriching but it is also fascinating to me. I had never wanted to immigrate to another country but I've always wondered how my life would have been had I lived in a foreign country. So to fullfill my wonderment, I decided to put away certain percentage of my monthly income toward a long-range travel plan. Five years later, I finally reached my financial goal to start my travel. I selected 4 different countries from 4 continents as my adverture destinations. My first stop is the United Sates because of its multi-culture diversity. Many immigrants from differnent part of the world come to the United State every year to pursue their dream for a better life and opportunity......

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