Sentence Rewriting: Open to Comments on Style
Dear All,
Kindly read the following sentence.
My father's dusty, heeled-over, cowboy boots rest on the floor of my study, daily reminders of the kind of man he was.
(Text source: [ https://odb.org/2018/01/05/just-like-my-father/ ]
My rewriting:
On the floor of my study rest my father's dusty, heeled-over, cowboy boots, daily reminders of the kind of man he was.
How do you like my rewriting?
Kindly shed some light in terms of style. I'll be much obliged!
Top answer
I prefer version #! because it immediately focuses the reader's attention on ' my fathe r'. Note that the end also has focus on my father by saying 'the kind of man he was'.
- I prefer version #!
- because it immediately focuses the reader's attention on ' my fathe r'.
- Note that the end also has focus on my father by saying 'the kind of man he was'.
- To me, the start and the end provide stylistic balance to the sentence.
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I prefer version #! because it immediately focuses the reader's attention on 'my father'.
Note that the end also has focus on my father by saying 'the kind of man he was'. To me, the start and the end provide stylistic balance to the sentence.
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