Sentence Editing
Hey, I am editing a story. And I have edited this sentence "Sultan chuckled at how wrong his guesses were but then retrieved the sober look to his face, keeping in mind that he was between the people who just lost someone whom they loved. "
like this
"Sultan chuckled at how wrong his guesses were but then retrieved the sober look of his face, keeping in mind that he was among the people who just lost someone whom they loved. "
Did I edit it in the right way? Please, point any error I have made.
Top answer
he was with people who just/had just lost someone (whom) they loved.
- he was with people who just/had just lost someone (whom) they loved.
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It should be something like:
Sultan chuckled...but then retrieved the sober look on his face, keeping in...he was with people who just/had just lost someone (whom) they loved.
0FatimaSaboor123Sultan
If this is the title of a role (e.g., king, prime minister) and not actually the name of the person, it should be The sultan. I'm guessing that this is what you want.
For comparison you might want to see what I would have written:
The sultan chuckled at how wrong his guesses were but then recovered his sob
0In this particular instance "the" is not used before "Sultan." Stylistically you're trying to make him sound folksy and friendly (note the word "chuckled," a folksy-sounding word), so no "the." Putting "the" in would make it pedantic.
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