Sentence correction

Question

Could you please check if the sentences below are correct and make sense? Thank you very much.

1) Given that many seek success as self-made employers, some of those who have flocked to the realm of fame, money, and fulfillment never find any.

2) It takes social, management and leadership abilities to promote an enterprise's growth while steering the wheel of it in order to hold the line on one's path to success.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

any suggestions?

Anonymous · Answer

anonymous1) Given that many seek success as self-made employers, some of those who have flocked to the realm of fame, money, and fulfillment never find any.

No. "Given" means "considering the fact that". You are saying that because many seek success, some don't find something, which is nonsense. "Flocked to the realm" is purple. What realm? Never find any what?

anonymous2) It takes social, management and leadership abilities to promote an enterprise's growth while steering the wheel of it in order to hold the line on one's path to success.

No. "It takes social" is inscrutable until we finally get to "abilities". You don't steer a thing's wheel. To hold the line is to maintain a position, not a course.

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