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C2ran Posted 15 years ago
Grammar

Sentence correction

Hi,

Here is a sentence I wrote in an essay, the topic of which is "Television is the leading cause of violence in today's society."

I wrote:

"Furthermore, the speed of content distribution and the availability to store data are also what the Internet has of what makes it more leading factor of violence over TV. "

Is the sentence grammatical? I doubt it, but I can't help myself finding an error.

If I correct it as follow

"Furthermore, the speed of content distribution and the availability to store data are also what the Internet has of making it more prominent factor of violence over TV. "

Is this now correct?

Please help!
  

Top answer

hello, I think the second sentence is correct....

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  • hello, I think the second sentence is correct....
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6 Answers
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hello,

I think the second sentence is correct....
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hello,

I think the second sentence is correct...
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Hi,

Neither of your versions uses correct grammar.

I don't understand what you mean. Is your main point that the Internet causes more violence than TV causes?

And are you trying to explain why?

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Hi, Clive~Emotion: smile

Yes, you are right. I'm trying to say basically what you wrote.

More specifically, those two factors(s
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Hi,

eg "Furthermore, the speed of content distribution and the availability of data storage are what make the Internet a greater cause of violence than TV. "

Clive
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Thank you so much for the prompt answer.

As a EFL student, I'd like to always test a new sentence formation. And that's why.

Please allow me to ask one last question,

The speed of content distribution and the availability of data storage are what the Internet has over TV.

Is this acceptable except for the different meaning?
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