Sentence check
Gary washes his hands and face in the sink and reaches for the paper towels when suddenly he notices he's standing in a puddle of urine.
Could this be improved in any way (please be picky) or is it good?
- Would adding 'that' between 'notices' and 'he's' be more standard/natural?
Top answer
anonymous Could this be improved in any way (please be picky) or is it good? "Suddenly" is almost always worse than nothing. In fact, every adverb is.
- anonymous Could this be improved in any way (please be picky) or is it good?
- "Suddenly" is almost always worse than nothing.
- In fact, every adverb is.
- Find a way to put the meaning in the verb or in the action.
- How does he know it's urine?
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anonymousCould this be improved in any way (please be picky) or is it good?
"Suddenly" is almost always worse than nothing. In fact, every adverb is. Find a way to put the meaning in the verb or in the action. How does he know it's urine? He doesn't. Have him smell something that smells like urine first, and then discovering the puddle will be suddenness en
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