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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
Seeking help with the structure of my vision statement
G'day All!
I am starting my business shortly and have been stuck on the structure of my vision statement for some time. I have what I want to express and the general words to do it but I am struggling with how to put that together. Can anyone out there help me?
“It is our vision to provide all that seek it, a true expression of the unrelenting passion for food and drink that drives us. While providing an atmosphere conducive to social interaction that stimulates the fleeting art of conversation”
Thank you so very much!
D
I am starting my business shortly and have been stuck on the structure of my vision statement for some time. I have what I want to express and the general words to do it but I am struggling with how to put that together. Can anyone out there help me?
“It is our vision to provide all that seek it, a true expression of the unrelenting passion for food and drink that drives us. While providing an atmosphere conducive to social interaction that stimulates the fleeting art of conversation”
Thank you so very much!
D
Top answer
It is far too verbose. Pity your poor reader. Our vision is to serve all who have an unrelenting passion for good food and drink in an atmosphere conducive to the art of conversation.
- It is far too verbose.
- Pity your poor reader.
- Our vision is to serve all who have an unrelenting passion for good food and drink in an atmosphere conducive to the art of conversation.
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2 Answers
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It is far too verbose. Pity your poor reader.
Our vision is to serve all who have an unrelenting passion for good food and drink in an atmosphere conducive to the art of conversation.
Our vision is to serve all who have an unrelenting passion for good food and drink in an atmosphere conducive to the art of conversation.
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In an ambiance so conducive to social interaction that it stimulates the fleeting art of conversation, we express our unrelenting passion for food and drink by artistic presentations, delectable flavors and ambrosial aromas.
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