see my paragraph

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hi

can anyone corecct my writting and if you could add some idea to the paragraph to make it look better...

burglary

One day after school. I went to the super market with some friends to buy ice-cream and candy.

When I was inside looking around to find what I want. Suddenly, some guy entered the shop . he was acting weird and suspicious .he walked straight to the shopkeeper and said in loud voice :give me the money very fast or I am going to shoot someone .the shopkeeper was trembles with fear and everyone were frightened and children were crying .

I thought that I have to do some thing about it .so I called my father who is a policeman .i told him about the thief and to come as fast as he could .

He came with others police mans they had plane which is to wait outside to catch the thief if he gets out from the shop .than the thief took the money and run to the door .the police catch him very fast than the thief took the money and run to the door .the police catch him very fast . and they put him in jail.

Finally everyone were safe and relive specially the shopkeeper .he give me a lot of free ice- cream and candy, I was very happy and proud of myself in the

BW2/3 · Accepted Answer

Love_suicide
hi
Can anyone correct my writing and add some ideals to the paragraph if you think to make it better.

Burglary

One day after school, I went to the super market with my friends to buy ice-creams and candies.
When I was inside the store looking around to find what I wanted, suddenly, a guy entered the shop . He was acting weird and suspicious. He walked straight to a cashier and said in loud voice: give me the money quickly or I am going to shoot you . The cahsier was tremble with fear. Everyone was frightened and children were crying .
I thought that I had to do something about it so I called my father who was a policeman. I told him about the thief and to come here as fast as he could .
He came with other police. They were surrounding the store. The thief took the money and ran out. The police caught him very fast. They put him in jail.
Finally everyone felt safe, especially the casheir. He gave me a lot of free ice- creams and candies. I was very happy and proud of myself.

Feebs11 · Answer

Love_suicide
hi

can anyone correct my writing and if you could add some idea to the paragraph to make it look better...

Burglary

One day after school.[Why is there a full stop here?] I went to the super market with some friends to buy ice-cream and candy.

When I was inside looking around to find what I want. Suddenly, some guy entered the shop . He was acting weird and suspicious. He walked straight to the shopkeeper and said in a loud voice, "Give me the money very fast or I am going to shoot someone." The shopkeeper was trembling with fear and everyone ~~were~~ [everyone was] frightened and children were crying .

I thought that I have to do some thing about it. So I called my father who is a policeman. I told him about the thief and to come as fast as he could .

He came with ~~others police mans~~ [other policemen]. They had a plane which is [wrong tense] to wait outside to catch the thief if he gets [wrong tense] out from the shop .Then the thief took the money and run [wrong tense] to the door .the police catch [wrong tense]him very fast and they put him in jail.

Finally everyone ~~were~~ safe and relieved, especially the shopkeeper .He give [wrong tense] me a lot of free ice- cream and candy, I was very happy and proud of myself in the [where is the ending?]

Please use a smaller size of type.

#1 A full stop is followed by one space. The next sentence begins with a capital letter.
#2 You are careless about the tenses of the verbs.
#3 You need to study the different punctuation marks and why they are used.
#4 The topic is "Burglary" = the act of breaking and entering a dwelling at night to commit a felony (as theft). What you are describing would be called "Robbery".
#5 You have done this in a hurry - take a bit more time before posting and read it through to make sure you have finished.

Love_suicide · Answer

BW2/3 thank you very much .

i wrot it fast so this is why there is a lot of misticks

Feebs11 · Answer

Love_suicideBW2/3 thank you very much .

i wrot it fast so this is why there is a lot of misticks

Try slowing down and reading what you write.

see my paragraph

hi

can anyone corecct my writting and if you could add some idea to the paragraph to make it look better...

burglary

One day after school. I went to the super market with some friends to buy ice-cream and candy.

I thought that I have to do some thing about it .so I called my father who is a policeman .i told him about the thief and to come as fast as he could .

Finally everyone were safe and relive specially the shopkeeper .he give me a lot of free ice- cream and candy, I was very happy and proud of myself in the

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Can anyone correct my writing and add som

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