Scholarship essay lacks?

If you'd be so kind, please review my scholarship essay. Here are the "requirements."

Spelling, grammer, style, creativity, and substance. No longer than 500 words. Topic: "Everybody's life has a story, please share a short "chapter" from yours with us.

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With most undergraduates attending their first two years of college with an undecided major, I am rock-solid in my desire to continue post-secondary education in the computer field. However, it was not until late in my high school career that this idea became concrete.

As a senior and a second-year student at [School Name['s]] Information Technology course, I was appointed the responsibilities of classroom system administrator and overall help desk technician. Arriving early, leaving far after the crowd, and even working remotely from home – my duties required extensive time, an endless supply of caffeine, and were certainly no easy task. But in return, I was allowed the opportunity to interact with today’s leading hardware and software titles. Ranging from Windows Server 2003, XP, Symantec’s Ghost, Cisco switches, and systems running RAID with the latest Intel processors—I was given access to the same tools powering today’s Internet.

The course was unique, and its learning concept very simple yet rarely seen in today’s public schools. I unwittingly prepared for the Security+ and Network+ industry certifications not by reading endless pages in a ragged out-of-date textbook, but rather conducting in-depth research on the topic, testing its success, and finally implementing the technology into the rooms live environment. A hands-on experience teachers desperately aim for was the foundation of this class.

For example, the need for a classroom firewall and content filter was evident. After evaluating several different packages from various publishers, Microsoft’s Internet Security and Acceleration Server proved to be the best option for our needs and integrated smoothly with the current active directory. Just as we needed, and with minimal reconfiguration of wires or service interruption, the software choice effectively limited our public IP addresses and blocked fellow students from inappropriate websites.

Whether being physical security or defense though expensive software, it was in this position that I gained an abundance of valuable information and community contacts. Even the dreaded stressful times will prove to help land employment as they realistically portrayed what to expect. The IT industry is always changing and is a race, a marathon, where you must stay in the lead. Because of this short but priceless chapter of life, I will prove to be a forerunner in the field.

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Your thoughts?

Thanks!