Salary loan - pls. check if there is any mistakes. thanks!
The undersigned, Ms. -___________________, assigned as RCC Secretary in CSIG, would like to request a personal loan in the amount of 4000 QAR, payable over 6 months as a deduction from my monthly salary in equal installments due to my father needs to undergo laser eye surgery as well as my mother is on dialysis thrice a week. I need this loan to pay their medical expenses. I realize that I have only been with you for a short time, but this loan, an advance on my salary, will help me and my family through a temporary hardship and alleviate a stressful situation.
Top answer
Your letter suffers from a mixture of voices (pronouns), which serves to confuse the reader. Here is the letter in third person: The undersigned, Ms. -___________________, assigned as RCC Secretary in CSIG, would like to request a personal loan in the amount of 4000 QAR, payable over 6 months as a deduction from her monthly salary in equal installments .
- Your letter suffers from a mixture of voices (pronouns), which serves to confuse the reader.
- Here is the letter in third person: The undersigned, Ms.
- -___________________, assigned as RCC Secretary in CSIG, would like to request a personal loan in the amount of 4000 QAR, payable over 6 months as a deduction from her monthly salary in equal installments .
- The loan is to pay for her father 's eye surgery as well as her mother 's is dialysis treatments, thrice weekly.
- She realizes that she has only been with you for a short time, but this loan, an advance on her salary, will help her and her family through a temporary hardship and alleviate a stressful situation.
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Your letter suffers from a mixture of voices (pronouns), which serves to confuse the reader.
Here is the letter in third person:
The undersigned, Ms. -___________________, assigned as RCC Secretary in CSIG, would like to request a personal loan in the amount of 4000 QAR, payable over 6 months as a deduction from her monthly sa
0You could probably also get away with first person if you started the letter "I the undersigned....."
Otherwise, the first sentence is a run on sentence and should shortened - agree with the other poster. "due to my father needs" is just wrong. "due to my father needing" or "due to my father being in need of" would fix that, but it's better to rewrite that part, for example as the
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