S O P for M S in Fin Engg : Please Share Inputs to improve it

Below is the first draft of my SOP , it is very lengthy and hence i have kept it in sections for editing purpose. Please share your feed back on (a) which sections should i prune to make it more compact, how can cut the excess verbiage and (b) if i should add to a particular section to me it more comprehensive.

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GOALS-SECTION
I, Shivanshu Shahi, after carefully considering my aptitude, interests, the nature of my training and my ultimate professional ambition, have decided to pursue MS in Financial Engineering from Columbia University. I thoroughly enjoy Mathematics and programming in addition to an interest in the financial markets. Hence the field of Quantitative Finance allures me. More specifically, I am interested in the Design and Analysis of tools for Financial Risk Management as well as their applications. My interest in risk management field kindled during my placements in Final Year (2009) - Bachelor of Engineering which got affected by the Subprime Mortgage Crisis of September 2008. The direct impact of the Global Financial event on my life greatly intrigued me and got me even more curious about the financial world as a whole and especially the field of Risk Management, Derivative products, and their Trading. With this stimulus for the field I read and explored about other such Financial Disasters - Metallgesellschaft, LTCM, Barings, and Orange County.
Over the course of time since 2009, my stint with Financial Services Sector and Banking Sector has made it more apparent to me that as financial markets are becoming more and more a tightly knit unit, at one end it is offering a plethora of opportunities in terms of new markets, new customers, and new innovative financial products; but at the other end it is also posing an equally challenging task for the practitioners and researchers in the field to design, build and come up with more robust Risk Management systems.
I yearn to contribute towards the development of Risk Management methodologies and systems through study in Financial Engineering. It is my conviction that the MS in Financial Engineering program from Columbia University would not only provide concrete foundation in Financial Engineering applications to successfully imbibe the tenets of modern Finance but also aid me polish and further my quantitative, computational and financial modelling skills and bring them up to the mark, which are unarguably the most essential requirements for the work in Quantitative Finance.
After the completion of the Financial Engineering program, I resolve to apply the skills and knowledge acquired from the program to the areas of financial innovation in Risk Management and Derivatives Valuation. Algorithmic Trading and Strategies, Portfolio Management Techniques and Fixed Income Securities are some of the other subjects which interest me given their close proclivity to risk management, mathematics and programming.

PERSONAL-BACKGROUND-SECTION
“Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.”
? Thomas Jefferson
When I retrospect about my past and what defines me, this is the one of the quotes which aptly captures my vision towards life. I have always been fascinated by anything that engages my logic and quantitative skills. For me, solving mathematical problems and puzzles were an indulgence that could keep me occupied for hours. I bagged the 42nd rank in the Fourth Junior Mathematics Olympiad in my High School.
My parents always encouraged me to strive for a balanced life and as I have moved ahead in life be it as student or as a working professional, I have come to appreciate this concept of balance more and more and believe it is an universal theory. In fact the concept of diversification of portfolio in finance parlance is in a way extension to this simple tenet of life and hence it has been my aim not just to channelize my enthusiasm and activeness only to academics, but to other aspects of life as well. I am very much involved in extracurricular activities such as participating in mathematics, science and finance competitions, social events, and I love sports, have regularly played soccer, volleyball, chess and cricket and participated in track and field events at school and college level. I in particular enjoy painting and sketching very much.

MATHS-CS-BACKGROUND-SECTION
While in high school, my preparation for the Fourth Junior Mathematics Olympiad exposed me to the Inequalities, Graph Theory and Number Theory at an early age. More so the intensive preparation and training I underwent has honed my skills and bolstered my confidence in problem solving. It has also whetted my appetite for advanced mathematics.
This encouraged me to pursue my under-graduation degree in Engineering from Mumbai University, because of the huge scope for the application of quantitative concepts that it offered. The comprehensive study of the Applied Mathematics courses in Engineering in four years time has laid strong foundations in the fundamental concepts of Linear Algebra, Probability, Statistics, Calculus, Differential Equations, and Numerical Methods. The Engineering curriculum also equipped me in courses related to Computer Science disciplines. The class projects and computer laboratory sessions, involving the implementation of complex algorithms, interfaces and applications in C, C++, and Matlab, have immensely helped me hone my programming skills.

Work Experience-BACKGROUND-SECTION
After my finishing my Engineering degree in the back drop of Financial Crisis of 2008 and given my inkling for the finance in the aftermath, I actively pursued for the opportunity to work in Finance Sector; I have had the opportunity to work in Financial Services Sector with Oracle Financial Software Services Ltd., and in Banking Sector with ICICI Bank Ltd.
At OFSS I was part of Deutsche Bank Support team that dealt in technical support to financial transactions of Deutsche Bank; working there my interest in the field of Finance burgeoned every day. I started following Indian markets up-close, and going through the basic concepts in the field of financial markets and the products offered and traded. Alongside, I also applied to India’s leading Private Sector Bank, ICICI Bank Ltd., to gain firsthand experience of the banking industry in India and an inclination to learn about practical Financial Risk Management measures undertaken by Indian Banks. I got called for the interview and was grilled on questions pertaining to finance and banking. Finally, I converted the call and joined the bank.
At ICICI Bank I worked for two plus years, I was exposed to many aspects of banking, finance and general management. I was part of Retail Liabilities Group in the bank, where my role concentrated on business development. The few key projects on which I worked in ICICI Bank were, (a) Setting up Express Loans feature for Home Loan and Personal Loan products in collaboration with respective Product teams for the general banking customer segment; (b) Automation of analytics report in collaboration with Business Intelligence Unit; (c) Organising pilots and campaign for identification of business opportunity and business development of Asset Products – Home Loan, Auto Loan, and Personal Loan for general banking customer segment.
The varied exposure in the finance and banking domain, in retrospect gave me an educated perspective as to what I want to specialize in the field of finance. I decided to pursue study where I could leverage my skills in quant, programming and work experience in finance. During my last few months at ICICI along with chore of office work I started to prepare for entrance exams with the intent to enrol in Masters in Finance program. The hard work paid off and I was accepted among 30 students to MSc. Finance program in Jamnalal Bajaj Institute of Management Studies (JBIMS), one of the top B-Schools in India.

MSc. Finance-BACKGROUND-SECTION
I am currently in the final year of MSc. Finance program from JBIMS, Mumbai, the experience in the program has been academically stimulating, it has not only in helped me ameliorate essential cross-functional understanding across various finance disciplines but also develop acumen to deal with dynamic and unanticipated situations. The program has reinforced important concepts in Finance, Economics and Econometrics through the advanced courses, the Summer Internship experience at HSBC Global Asset Management Ltd., Mumbai, in the Product Team division has not only helped me grasp the dynamics at work in an Asset Management Company but also develop a sound understanding of important concepts and on the job application of the concepts. At the Internship, I have analyzed and assessed the opportunities of financial innovation with respect to new product launch for the funds operational in Singapore and Thailand and also dynamics of Real Estate Investment funds in India. During the course of the MSc. Finance program, I have done projects in the areas of Quantitative Portfolio Management and Financial Econometrics.
A rigorous degree in Engineering from Mumbai University, work experience of Thirty plus months in Financial Services and Banking Sector and Msc. Finance degree from Jamnalal Bajaj Institute of Management Studies has competently prepared me to meet the challenges of the Financial Engineering program. While the Engineering degree has been pivotal in providing sound quantitative and analytical base, programming expertise as well as invaluable knowledge of various Computer Science disciplines, the MSc. Finance program has laid strong foundations in the core concepts of Finance Economics and Econometrics.
I am further working on enhancing my skill set for risk management, quantitative finance and also algorithmic trading; hence I have enrolled in Executive Program in Algorithmic Trading (EPAT) offered by QuantInsti Quantitative Learning Pvt. Ltd., Actuarial Exams and FRM. My interest in EPAT stems from my interest in Advanced Mathematics, programming and modelling involved in making transaction decisions in financial markets and also challenging risk management involved in event of Flash Crash or other such unprecedented event. While FRM Program is structured to broaden my knowledge, and enhance skills in Financial Risk Management domain, preparation for Actuarial papers has been helpful in preparing for Financial Mathematics, Probability, Statistics and Economics, EPAT course enables me to understand strong underpinnings of market-microstructures, systems and strategies. The interplay of these programs has enabled me to enhance my understanding of inter-related aspects of modern Finance, trading and risk, obtain highest set of credentials in the global financial industry and emerge as a balanced Finance professional.

WHY-SECOND MASTER INSTEAD OF PHD-SECTION
My academic pursuits thus far have been highly rewarding and have led the way towards a fulfilling career in Financial Engineering. Although the MSc. Finance program has given me a great deal of understanding of Finance, Economics and Financial Instruments, it has lacked sufficient depth in quantitative analysis and computational modeling aspects of modern Finance. Thus, a strong yearning to dive deeper into the application of advanced mathematical and computational methodologies to tackle problems in modern Finance has driven me towards the Financial Engineering program.
Further, pursuing a Ph.D. in Finance at this stage would be inappropriate for me given my limited work experience in the intended field. Without a substantial exposure to the financial world and requisite skills-sets, I would be handicapped to appreciate real issues in Finance from perspective of a research student.
I believe the advanced mathematical and financial courses, and with the invaluable guidance from the reputed faculty in the program, I would be able to deal with the complexities of quantitative tools, computational methodologies and computing, which are the pre-requisites for my pursuit of future research in Finance.

WHY-THIS-UNIV-SECTION
Columbia University is one of the world's very best academic institutions and has the very best faculty with distinguished research and practical expertise. An opportunity to interact and learn from this group and the astute students with diverse cultural backgrounds would undoubtedly stand me in good stead throughout my career and self-development.
The comprehensive and flexible curriculum of the program, with a special stress laid upon financial theory and modeling, quantitative finance tools, and financial applications would positively provide me a thorough understanding of the theoretical as well as practical applicability of core quantitative and analytical fundamentals in modern Finance.

CONCLUDING-SECTION
Keeping in mind my long-term goals, my immediate objective is to successfully complete the MS in Financial Engineering and imbibe as much knowledge as I can from the program. I am fully aware of the kind of dedication, perseverance and resolve I need to have for a fruitful career in the field of Financial Engineering.
I absolutely believe that my strong quantitative and analytical acuity, programming knowledge and my work experience coupled with my academic and extra-curricular endeavors would enable me to successfully meet the demands of the MS in Financial Engineering program as well as uphold its academic excellence. I sincerely hope that the Admissions Committee would share my enthusiasm and provide me with the opportunity to pursue the MS in Financial Engineering program from Columbia University.
I look forward to joining as a graduate student in your department and having a long and mutually profitable association.