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SirCorinthe Posted 13 years ago
Business & Finance
revision
Could someone please correct this for informal elements? By the way, this is a mock letter to the president.
Dear Mr. President,
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to peruse my letter. The reason I am writing to you is to receive a recommendation to the Air Force Academy. A life long dream of mine has been to become a fighter pilot. I believe it is the duty of all citizens to defend their country. All I am asking is for a chance to fly among the best of the best. Would it be at all possible to meet and discuss the topic further? I know you are a very busy man and I do not want to waste you time. Thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedule to peruse my letter.
Dear Mr. President,
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to peruse my letter. The reason I am writing to you is to receive a recommendation to the Air Force Academy. A life long dream of mine has been to become a fighter pilot. I believe it is the duty of all citizens to defend their country. All I am asking is for a chance to fly among the best of the best. Would it be at all possible to meet and discuss the topic further? I know you are a very busy man and I do not want to waste you time. Thank you again for taking time out of your busy schedule to peruse my letter.
Top answer
Hello, SirCorinthe—and welcome to English Forums. I have underlined some problem areas and struck out unnecessary verbiage. Please correct them and post your revised text here.
- Hello, SirCorinthe—and welcome to English Forums.
- I have underlined some problem areas and struck out unnecessary verbiage.
- Please correct them and post your revised text here.
- Dear Mr.
- President, Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to peruse my letter.
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1 Answers
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Hello, SirCorinthe—and welcome to English Forums.
I have underlined some problem areas and struck out unnecessary verbiage. Please correct them and post your revised text here.
Dear Mr. President,
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to peruse my letter. The reason I am writing to you is to receive a recommendation to the Ai
I have underlined some problem areas and struck out unnecessary verbiage. Please correct them and post your revised text here.
Dear Mr. President,
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to peruse my letter. The reason I am writing to you is to receive a recommendation to the Ai
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