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Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Revise my paper, please?

I have to write a paper based on a prompt for my English class, and it's due tomorrow. It's very cheesy, and I'm hoping that somebody could help me out and edit it so that it doesn't sound completely stupid. Trust me, I know it's awful. Anyway, the prompt is "You just got a new sled. You wake up in the morning to find that it snowed two feet. Describe the scene."
And what I have written down:
I climb out of bed and stumble toward the window, opening the shades. I press my nose against the glass and shiver at the freezing cold sensation. Snow is covering the ground everywhere, and my immediate thought is "Snow day!" This would be a perfect time to put my new sled to use. I get dressed as quickly as possible and put on my snow gear. The excitement is almost too much to handle. Sprinting down the stairs, I head into the kitchen and slip my gloves on as my mom enters the room.
"Hi, Emma," she says to me. "Ready for school?" My jaw nearly hits the floor when she says that. There's too much snow for school to be open, right? "I'm just teasing, there is no school," she laughs after seeing the look of shock upon my face. I roll my eyes.
"Not funny. I'm going outside," I say as I step into my snow boots. It's very warm in the house, so I'm anxious to get outside. I open the back door quickly and step out into the frosty cold air. The backyard looks like a winter wonderland. I grab my brand new sled from the garage and head toward the large hill of snow in my yard. Today was going to be wonderful. End.
Okay, totally lame, I understand. Which is why I want to see what you guys think I should change. We're supposed to be using a lot of adjectives, but I'm not very good at that, so...any tips would be much appreciated. By the way, I know that it's short. It's not supposed to be very long.
  

Top answer

Nice snow day,i have to say that,actually ,your grammer very well and the scene beautiful,i envy your english at moment,i m also like snow very much ,i like playing my sled on snowfield,especial when sliding from top of hill to the bottom,i like the speed,oh ,holp the snow day coming soon in my place.

  • Nice snow day,i have to say that,actually ,your grammer very well and the scene beautiful,i envy your english at moment,i m also like snow very much ,i like playing my sled on snowfield,especial when sliding from top of hill to the bottom,i like the speed,oh ,holp the snow day coming soon in my place.
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1 Answers
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Nice snow day,i have to say that,actually ,your grammer very well and the scene beautiful,i envy your english at moment,i m also like snow very much ,i like playing my sled on snowfield,especial when sliding from top of hill to the bottom,i like the speed,oh ,holp the snow day coming soon in my place.

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