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Nouran Posted 17 years ago
Grammar
Review this pleaseee :):)
Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
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"Nouran, I think you are a unique and talented girl, and you are going to have a very bright future." Ever since I can remember, most of my school teachers echoed this sentiment when speaking to me, as well as assuring my parents of the fact in every annual school meeting, which led, naturally, to my parents' having high expectations of me.
When I entered school, I knew I was different. I did not speak like the other kids. I picked up on my studies faster than others,I have never needed to be told to do my homework. Due to my passion to work and curiosty to know more, I stumble on pleasure in many extra curricular activities. Now I can describe who I am from the sum of my experiences,my personality and my achievements . I am a group leader, top of my class, guitar player, singer .I started to understand that I am unique in my own way. That’s why i put very high dreams and aspirations on leading a successful glamorious campus and career life.
I had access to a host of facilities that allowed me to improve my talents and skills.one that allowed me to participate in alexandira sporting club and to take weekly music lessons. I was learning in a private school so it was easy for me to do well academically, at the same time, I knew my parents had enough financial resources to allow me to attend the American university in
Nothing stays too long, though, so there came a turning point in my life when we faced giant financial problems and was forced to move from a high standard of living to a low one. By moving from to I gained the determination, enthusiasm, and the spirit of the city people -- which has broadened my horizons and possibilities for my future. decided to depend on myself and complete the journey of the self-achievement alone.
." When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it" this is quote –that I truly believe it – is my life motto written by paulo Coelho soI brushed up my English with great effort while learning to play the guitar, improving my vocals and applying to the auc scholarship. I am definitely sure that the American university in is my right choice -- not just because of its excellent reputation, but because it is known that One of AUC's main aims is providing a productive and creative atmosphere for students through its campus life's activities and student clubs
As an another aspect of AUC that I would love to be part of is the vast social network, offered through professors that have a lot of experience in their respective fields. I also realize that my future would benefit greatly from the job opportunities and internships that are made available to students through the employment office
Last but not least , I believe that AMERICAN UNIVERSITY IN CAIRO is the perfect fit for me, and I truly hope that I will have the opportunity to contribute to its future.
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"Nouran, I think you are a unique and talented girl, and you are going to have a very bright future." Ever since I can remember, most of my school teachers echoed this sentiment when speaking to me, as well as assuring my parents of the fact in every annual school meeting, which led, naturally, to my parents' having high expectations of me.
When I entered school, I knew I was different. I did not speak like the other kids. I picked up on my studies faster than others,I have never needed to be told to do my homework. Due to my passion to work and curiosty to know more, I stumble on pleasure in many extra curricular activities. Now I can describe who I am from the sum of my experiences,my personality and my achievements . I am a group leader, top of my class, guitar player, singer .I started to understand that I am unique in my own way. That’s why i put very high dreams and aspirations on leading a successful glamorious campus and career life.
I had access to a host of facilities that allowed me to improve my talents and skills.one that allowed me to participate in alexandira sporting club and to take weekly music lessons. I was learning in a private school so it was easy for me to do well academically, at the same time, I knew my parents had enough financial resources to allow me to attend the American university in
Nothing stays too long, though, so there came a turning point in my life when we faced giant financial problems and was forced to move from a high standard of living to a low one. By moving from to I gained the determination, enthusiasm, and the spirit of the city people -- which has broadened my horizons and possibilities for my future. decided to depend on myself and complete the journey of the self-achievement alone.
." When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it" this is quote –that I truly believe it – is my life motto written by paulo Coelho soI brushed up my English with great effort while learning to play the guitar, improving my vocals and applying to the auc scholarship. I am definitely sure that the American university in is my right choice -- not just because of its excellent reputation, but because it is known that One of AUC's main aims is providing a productive and creative atmosphere for students through its campus life's activities and student clubs
As an another aspect of AUC that I would love to be part of is the vast social network, offered through professors that have a lot of experience in their respective fields. I also realize that my future would benefit greatly from the job opportunities and internships that are made available to students through the employment office
Last but not least , I believe that AMERICAN UNIVERSITY IN CAIRO is the perfect fit for me, and I truly hope that I will have the opportunity to contribute to its future.
Top answer
Hi Nouran, For a non-native speaker of English, this is an impressive piece of writing, and one that shows a sometimes dizzyingly high level of self-belief. However, I'm struck by a lack of attention to detail at times, with sloppy capitalisation, and other instances of carelessness in composition. I've highlighted these in red below.
- Hi Nouran, For a non-native speaker of English, this is an impressive piece of writing, and one that shows a sometimes dizzyingly high level of self-belief.
- However, I'm struck by a lack of attention to detail at times, with sloppy capitalisation, and other instances of carelessness in composition.
- I've highlighted these in red below.
- I've also highlighted in red some of your choices of words or expressions.
- I think you need to revisit some of these and change them.
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2 Answers
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Hi Nouran,
For a non-native speaker of English, this is an impressive piece of writing, and one that shows a sometimes dizzyingly high level of self-belief. However, I'm struck by a lack of attention to detail at times, with sloppy capitalisation, and other instances of carelessness in composition. I've highlighted these in red below. I've also highlighted in red some of your choices of w
For a non-native speaker of English, this is an impressive piece of writing, and one that shows a sometimes dizzyingly high level of self-belief. However, I'm struck by a lack of attention to detail at times, with sloppy capitalisation, and other instances of carelessness in composition. I've highlighted these in red below. I've also highlighted in red some of your choices of w
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