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Sayed Ramadan Posted 7 years ago
Grammar

Review of my message to hiring manager

Being an intern at CERN, it will give you a push to understand the structure of the universe, and to realize how things worked. And for me the same impression and I have high expectations at the end of this program, for example:

  • I look forward to learning more about the large hadron collider and knowing the details of the construction of the particle accelerators and detectors which consider fortunately in the core of my interests.
  • I am sure that traineeship will provide me with the most excellent international experience and will give me a great deal in understanding more about my field -the mechanical engineering, and relating it with physics will be very interesting and exciting.
  • I hope to simulate design of a high precision machine ,as it is very interesting, especially for me as I am very curious about designing the machines and assembling them, and I worked in Poland as an intern in the construction department which increased my love in this field

Gathering the knowledge and experience is a very powerful tool to develop the skills and when this knowledge comes from experts and scientists, it will be worth to be very passionate about that.

  

Top answer

You need to fix the highlighted parts. They are either ungrammatical or unnatural or strike me as weird. Being an intern at CERN, it will give you a push to understand the structure of the universe, and to realize how things worked .

— AlpheccaStars

  • You need to fix the highlighted parts.
  • They are either ungrammatical or unnatural or strike me as weird.
  • Being an intern at CERN, it will give you a push to understand the structure of the universe, and to realize how things worked .
  • And for me the same impression and I have high expectations at the end of this program, for example: I look forward to learning more about the large hadron collider and knowing the details of the construction of the particle accelerators and detectors which consider fortunately in the core of my interests.
  • I am sure that traineeship will provide me with the most excellent international experience and will give me a great deal in understanding more about my field - the mechanical engineering, and relating it with physics will be very interesting and exciting.
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2 Answers
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You need to fix the highlighted parts. They are either ungrammatical or unnatural or strike me as weird.


Being an intern at CERN, it will give you a push to understand the structure of the universe, and to realize how things worked. And for me th

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"Being an intern at CERN, it will give you a push to understand the structure of the universe, and to realize how things worked. And for me the same impression and I have high expectations at the end of this program, for example:"


The opening sentence is structured and phrased im

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