Review Needed: IELTS Writing Task 2

I wrote another one.

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both view and give your own opinion

Its popularly believed that these days raising kids is not an easy task. Many parents always wonder about leisure time of their children. Many think their progenies should actively participate in team activities and some think opposite. They argue that its good for kid to learn on his own. This essay will discuss both point of views and will suggest that its always better for kids’ development to learn with joining other fellow.

Aristotle called human being, “a social animal”, and human societies are built through collectivism. When a kid joins with his other fellows than his character develops and characteristics of common welfare and empathy. In this way a kid can learn fast and become good human as well. In group exercises, different minds come together and develop more innovative and creative ideas. In this process learning accelerates at its fast pace.

On the flip side it is argued that due to violence, hater and lust in society, groups can lead to develop bad habits in kids. It may be stated that kids are innocent and they learn what they see. Yet it’s more favourable for kids to play or do his favorite past time alone. By this safety of kid will not be compromised that will more beneficial for him and his parents.

To articulate the discussion, I may say that although its natural for kids to be with others rather alone however owing to safety issues many disagree with this point of view. However, I am of opinion that kids should be encouraged for groups in their extra time that will develop better cognitive skills for their future.