Review my statement of purpose?

Hi, I'm applying for a university in the U.S. and have to write a statement of purpose.

Actually, I've already had it reviewed before, but I had to change some part of it.

So I'd appreciate it if you reviewed that part for me. Thank you!

1.

This led me to write my bachelor’s thesis on how Japanese speakers should learn English pronunciation, while mentioning concepts in the study of language acquisition such as the Critical Period Hypothesis.

2.

Your PhD program in linguistics offers an ideal learning environment in which I can develop strategies for addressing the syntax and the semantics of natural language, under leading professors who specialize in them, such as Dr. XXX, Dr. XXX and Dr. XXX. In addition, your Department of Linguistics has Dr. XXX, whose research interest in Japanese linguistics will facilitate my own research from the perspective of comparative linguistics. Furthermore, the theory of generative grammar is closely associated with the study of language acquisition, which is one of the major research topics in psycholinguistics. Hence, the learning environment at the University of XXX will assist me greatly with regard to addressing my research topic from diverse perspectives, without being restricted to syntactic and semantic points of view. By integrating this wide range of knowledge, I hope to become an expert of the syntax–semantics interface of language and work as a researcher in the future.

(Note: Psycholinguistics is the subject that the department is really good at.)