Review my IELTS essay please

Hello, could someone please review my essay.
The subject is: "Modern high-technology is transforming the way we work and is of benefit to all of society".

Here is my essay:

"In the early years of humanity, there were no technology and the human being was left to himself. He had to find different ways to survive. Gradually he developed himself and has started to create new tools that would help him in the living.

Nowadays, after so many discoveries, so many things that men achieved, he is still trying to innovate. Therefore, he has changed its manners to work. We can see one example of this with telecommuting. More and more companies allow this practice and employers are satisfied. As a matter of fact, they can determine their working hours and being at work from their home ; only a computer is needed. At the first sight, who would not appreciate this ? People are able to do their job and still keeping managing their home tasks as well. It seems to be a good deal. However, some surveys have shown that efficiency of work done has been decreased. In fact, it is logical, the employer is not under pressure at home and de facto works less seriously. Is it a benefit to the society ? In my view, it is not.
One other example is computer viruses. With the emergence of high-technology, viruses emerged too because as most of people strive for power, all ways are admissible. Today’s life has become more easy thanks to computers, internet, technology but at the same time it has become more dangerous.
For example, it is easy to use internet banking, but there are many hackers who do want our data and use viruses to infect computers and extract documents and passwords.
I would say the main disadvantage is that everything is informatised. It means we can not protect our data fully.

In conclusion, it is obvious that high-technology has led people to simplify their life, but drawbacks exist and they are numerous"

Thanks in advance !