Request for Salary Increment

Kindly Correct the below letter to submit to my manager, then HR and Management.

I enjoy working here and appreciate the challenges that my position provides me every day.
Though I am grateful for the professional opportunities the company offers me, I regret to tell you that my current salary is still below the industry average for the professional competencies that I possess.
In our interview One year ago, I was told that I would receive a salary increase after my six-month probation period. I have still not received this, so I would be very grateful if you could look into the matter.
As you well aware that I have small salary and now my family is with me and getting more financial liabilities.
You know very well that I am working in the company with my best with hard and sincere and I do all the work which is told to me to do.
Please go through my contributions to the company as I am handling lot of works as below.

1. Preparation of Quotations.
2. Issuance of Policy.
3. Reinsurance Activities (Quarter Closing & Negotiating with reinsurers)
4. SAMA Correspondence and file preparation for Departmental License and Products Approvals.
5. Other departmental activities.
I’ve sound educational background with UGC – NET (Eligibility to teach all over Indian Universities like PHD holders), Master’s Degree and scored 98% in LOMA basics (Life Management Institute programme)
I would like to request you for an appreciable salary increment for my performance and hence would be very grateful to see my total package as SR. xxxx 000
I will continue to be the valued, hardworking, committed, reliable and honest employee as I’ve always been.
Hoping for your kind attention and favourable consideration.