Request for Motivation Letter Assistance

My Name is Ben from Kenya. I am writing a motivational letter for scholarship. Would anyone help me in making it better?

I have written two. which one is better and what can i improve? I would appreciate your effort to that end.

Thank you

1.

Dear Sir or Madam
I am writing to apply for ***************Human Rights******* starting January 2014.
I have done Bachelor of Arts in Economics and History at Egerton University in Kenya. In pursuing this program, I wanted to gain the necessary knowledge in the correlation between poverty and conflicts especially in Africa; an idea stemming from my life experience in an ethnic conflict area after every general election. I then chose to do International Humanitarian Law (IHL) which corresponds well with my future plans in doing Human Rights advocacy, training and Education Program. This enthralling field would then guide me, in a team of three students, to successfully participate in the ICRC, IHL National, Pan Africa and the D.M. Harish International Moot Court Competitions and exposing me to the international environment. In the first two, we finished as best and first-runners up respectively.
Besides my studies, I have done three internships so far to gain more practical experience. The latest two have been at the ICRC where I am to date. I tremendously enjoy my experience working here because I have the opportunity to participate in Humanitarian Law seminars and conferences, do daily situational analysis on the political, security, economic and social aspects in Kenya and Somalia and always discovering new aspects on Africa democracies through research and observation. I find this work challenging, interesting and invigorating and I am determined to become better skilled so that I can lead a group of researchers in this field in the future. My first intern was in a government ministry of planning at the district level. I learnt how my government makes development decisions.
I have fulfilled my interests in Human Rights through becoming involved in a number of activities ranging from human rights activist, conflict prevention and peace building to being a peer educator in anti-ethnocentrism campaign. Upon joining campus, I was disappointed to see students preferring to share rooms and voting for students from their ethnic groups. This was only a few months after my country had come to the brink of collapse from ethnic violence. I did not expect such divisions at the university. I, among other initiatives, decided to fight discrimination through; twice contesting for student leadership on anti-ethnic platform, wrote and posted anti-ethnic short essays in campus, formed a Human Rights Association, participated in a USAID youth leadership project as a mentor and peace educator in my conflict afflicted home area.
As a committed, passionate, thoughtful and hardworking person who appreciates Human Rights as best hope for peace and prosperity in Africa Democracies, I believe that I am a good candidate for the **** program in **************
Christopher Ben Nyabira

2.

Dear Madam or Sir,

I would like to apply for **********. I first got to know about this program in my second year. I was taking Economics and History and was wondering how I would pursue a career in Human Rights. Ethnic clashes and the consequent poverty and suffering in Kuresoi, my home place, after post election violence, have been shaping my career choice. I have waited for this opportunity since then and it could not have come at a better time. Should I be considered for this program, it would follow my close to one year Human Rights (HR) research at the ICRC and offer me the opportunity to learn better methodology and work to promote Human Rights in Africa.

Human Rights is a topic I passionately have and desire to continue promoting; One specific is the right to equal treatment as human being. When I joined campus, most students preferred sharing rooms and voting for students from their ethnic groups. I did not expect such discrimination at the university. I decided, among other initiatives, to fight discrimination through; twice contesting for student leadership on anti ethnic platform, wrote and posted anti-ethnic short essays in campus and formed a Human Rights Association. In my second year, I chose to study a unit in International Humanitarian Law (IHL). This paved the way for my participation in the ICRC IHL National and Pan Africa Moot Court Competition in a group of three. We finished first runners up. In the same group, I participated in the D.M. Harish International Moot Court Competition in Mumbai India in February 2012. When I completed my undergraduate I went back home formed a youth group to encourage the youths to get involved in matters of governance and to promote national cohesion. I have been making daily news summaries on the political, security, economic and social situation in Somalia and Kenya and doing research on IHL and HR.

My study of the History of Africa and indeed many countries in the world has taught me that most political problems especially in Democracies have been caused by the politics of inclusion and exclusion. In Somalia, Mohammed Siad Barre was more and more heavily relying on his clan to rule leading to protests from other clans. In Kenya, the major cause of conflicts and perpetual hatred is the alleged unequal and unfair distribution of land after independence in favour of the community of those in power. Multipartism in the 1990s offered people an opportunity to express dissatisfaction on the inequality in the access of opportunities which violated their rights. *********