Request for help regarding query letter

Dear members,
I am about to submit a story that I have written to a publisher. And now I'm of struggling with writing a query letter. I was given some sample sentences that I can use, but other than that I'm supposed to write the whole letter on my own.
I have already written something, but I'm quite uncertain whether it is really correct or not.
I would highly appreciate it if somebody could have a quick read through it and tell me if there are any major (or minor ) mistakes in it.
Thanks very, very, very much for your trouble
And here is the text:

Subject: Submission of novel

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to seek publication of my historical romance novel, Against All Odds, approximately 170,000 words in length.

Against All Odds is a sensual and romantic story about forbidden love, set in 19th-century England.
Henry Abbott, a teacher in his mid-twenties, takes on the position of a private tutor for Sarah Partridge, the daughter of a wealthy and noble entrepreneur Lord Horatio Partridge and his wife Priscilla. The two young people soon fall in love with each other but need to keep their romance secret as Sarah is destined to marry another man who she does not love. During the course of the story, Henry and Sarah must overcome various obstacles (for example, in the form of Sarah's betrayed and angry husband-to-be)and personal fears in their attempt to finally get together. ultimately, however, they find their happy ending and start a new life in America.

Up until now, the novel has not been published anywhere. but I uploaded it on a fan fiction site on the Internet about a year ago, where it has been read by some 3000 people so far. Although the story was originally based on Edward and Bella from the Twilight Series, it does not bear any resemblance to the original vampire theme anymore. All characters are human and their names have been changed. At no stage was there any infringement of copyright. Against All Odds contains a certain amount of aesthetic eroticism, and is - despite its dramatic twists and turns - filled with moments that might evoke an amused smile or even a good laugh in the reader. Also, I tried to stay as true as possible to historical detail, which I made frequent use of in order to add to credibility.

As for myself, I am a foreign language secretary and I live in Germany.

In case my synopsis should meet your interest, the complete manuscript is ready to be forwarded to you upon request.

I would like to thank you for your time and consideration.

Faithfully yours