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Victo Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

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What would you change in the following report with regard to grammar, punctuation, or style?

Also, would you change the date format to 'On Thursday, 1 May 2005 at 11:15 am' to minimize the use of commas?

Would you leave the job titles lowercase after the names as I've done?

Thank you.

On Thursday, May 1st, 2005, at 11:15 am, Gus Greenlaw, customer service manager at Stop and Shop Supermarkets, informed me, Harold Miller, human resources director for Stop and Shop Supermarkets, of an alleged incident involving sexual harassment....
  

Top answer

I would revise it as: On Thursday, May 1, 2005 at 11:15am, Gus Greenlaw (Customer Service Manager at Stop and Shop Supermarkets) informed me (Harold Miller - Human Resources Director for Stop and Shop) of an alleged incident involving sexual harassment. I would capitalize the job titles. I also like using parentheses - probably too much but it helps reduce the number of commas.

— Anonymous

  • I would revise it as: On Thursday, May 1, 2005 at 11:15am, Gus Greenlaw (Customer Service Manager at Stop and Shop Supermarkets) informed me (Harold Miller - Human Resources Director for Stop and Shop) of an alleged incident involving sexual harassment.
  • I would capitalize the job titles.
  • I also like using parentheses - probably too much but it helps reduce the number of commas.
  • You don't need a comma after the year.
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1 Answers
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I would revise it as:

On Thursday, May 1, 2005 at 11:15am, Gus Greenlaw (Customer Service Manager at Stop and Shop Supermarkets) informed me (Harold Miller - Human Resources Director for Stop and Shop) of an alleged incident involving sexual harassment.

I would capitalize the job titles. I also like using parentheses - probably too much but it helps reduce the number of c
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