regardiing letter of motivation please help

Question

Hello everyone,I want to apply for  masters in IT and communication in Germany. problem is that I tried to wrote many times but m not getting a smooth letter or Verbally sound letter of motivation... so someone could give me some points or format regarding that thing so i can write. Also at this time i want to mention that i have not that brilliant academics but average. Because On first three semester i studied hard but when i took part in inter college robotics and such technical events it affected my studies to some extent. i have also been a active member of technical education society which organize such tech-fest and competitions. I have also organised many college event like our very own tech-fest, freshers party, farewell  party and many other cultural events. I did training in Nokia-siemens network in IN & VAS department and Also in VODAFONE under STP & DATA department. And my motive for further studies is to build a sound carrier, this are the basic details so that could help u to understand me and from that u could help me easily.. thanks

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Hello, Ankit—and welcome to English Forums.

You can begin by reading this thread from our FAQs: http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/HowWriteLetterMotivationCoverLetter/brzvj/post.htm

Ankit Vora · Answer

well Thanks for quick response... I read that stuff and also i saw some sample letters.

Sample letters and other letters are having very high academics and mine are not that much great.

So I am confused and please help me to develop my own letter. Thanks. If u want me to put a letter written by me then that i can provide.

Mister Micawber · Answer

Yes, please post your effort and we will review it for you.

Ankit Vora · Answer

dear members please do find errors and tell the necessary changes. I have written in my own i know there are many mistakes but I trust that I have going to have best version of it... Thank you.

Admissions Office

University of Applied Sciences

Germany

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to apply to your program Master of Engineering in Automation & IT for the 2013 summer term.

My career objective is to start my own business in field of automation because from childhood I was so much passionate about robotics and machines. In order to reach my objective, I want to acquire advanced knowledge to combine information technology and automation. Because Germany is the strongest country in Europe with a proud history of engineering achievement, I want to study at bremen University where I can meet my academic and cultural goals.

I did Electronics and Communication Engineering from the Gujarat Technological University. During my studies, I achieved a CGPA of 6.21 out of a possible 10.I have taken part in many inter college competition in Robotics and other technical events. And also I have gained good prizes for my college.

My college last semester project was “GEO-Fencing”. I developed a powerful security device that can track location of anything on which this device is installed and also we can bind the area on earth surface of our choice. This device is useful in many rural areas. For example in my country India fisherman goes in his raft for fishing and while doing that he eventually or mistakenly enters in to border of Pakistan and get jailed. So device can help them to stop as soon as they are about to cross the border of India. That project allowed me to develop in various ways because I have to do programming of microcontroller that I did alone and it took 2 months to complete the project. Also I learned a lot during this project. My HOD(head of the department) also liked that project and also selected it as a best project of my class. Also in 7^th semester I made a project for “servotronics LTD”. Where they define a problem and we have to give the solution for the same. So the I found the solution for that.though It was challenging, I found the best from my knowledge so that helped me how things work in industry and adapted that challenge that was a good experience.

I have always enjoyed being involved in leadership roles. I have always been active in organizing many technical and non-technical events in my college. In my college, I was a active member of the student organizing committee. I was also class-representative of my Batch. Also I am a member of Indian society for technical education. Through these experiences, I learned to manage my time effectively and improved my leadership and decision making skills.

Since I have finished my university studies in 23th May of 2012, I started training in NOKIA-SIEMENS NETWORKS. Where I learned technical aspects of communication engineering and also learned that how the technical concepts are used in actual life. I did job training and more ever like after course training where we learn how the things work in real life. I worked there under IN and VAS department and gained a lot. Afterwards I started another training/internship in VODAFONE ESSAR GROUP. I worked there under STP and DATA communication department.

As evidence of my dedication for gaining experience in a global setting, I learned English on my own by practicing every day. I did not receive any formal education. By studying in Germany, I will learn and appreciate another important language and culture.

Through my achievements, I have demonstrated good accomplishment and passion for technology. Furthermore, I have demonstrated leadership, initiative, and desire to learn about business and technology in a global setting. If accepted, I will add diversity to your program, and I will do my best to exceed your expectations. I am confident that I will meet my career and personal goals while studying at Cologne University of Applied Sciences.

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours truly,

Ankit vora

Mister Micawber · Answer

I think you did a good job, Anka. I have made some changes below, but please note that you name Bremen U at the beginning and Cologne U at the end!

MM

Admissions Office
University of Applied Sciences
[city] Germany

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to apply to your Master of Engineering in Automation & IT program for the 2013 summer term.

My career objective is to start my own business in the field of automation because from childhood I have been passionate about robotics and machinery. In order to reach my objective, I want to acquire advanced knowledge to combine information technology and automation. Because Germany has a proud history of engineering achievement, I want to study at Bremen University to meet my academic and career goals.

I studied Electronics and Communication Engineering at Gujarat Technological University. During my studies, I achieved a CGPA of 6.21 out of a possible 10. I have taken part in many inter-collegiate competitions in robotics and other technical events as well as received awards from my college.

My last semester college project was “GEO-Fencing”. I developed a powerful security device that can track the location of anything on which it is installed and also restrict the vehicle to the area of one's choice on the earth's surface. This device is useful in many rural areas; for example, in my country, India, raft fishermen sometimes mistakenly cross the border into Pakistan and are imprisoned, but this device can help them stop before reaching the border. That project allowed me to develop in various ways: I programmed the micro-controller alone, and it took two months to complete the project. The head of my department selected my project as the best in the class. Also in my 7^th semester, I developed a project for Servotronics Ltd.: the company defined a problem and I developed a solution, which was challenging, but the knowledge I have acquired helped me understand how things work in industry.

I have always enjoyed leadership roles. I have been active in organizing many technical and non-technical events in my college, where I was an active member of the student organizing committee as well as my class representative. I am also a member of the Indian Society for Technical Education. Through these opportunities, I have learned to manage time and work effectively and improved my leadership and decision-making skills.

After I finished my university studies in May of 2012, I started training in Nokia-Siemens Networks, working under the IN and VAS Departments, where I learned the technical aspects of communication engineering and how the concepts are used in real life. Afterwards I started another training internship in the Vodaphone Essar Group under the STP and Data Communications Departments.

As evidence of my dedication to gaining experience in a global setting, I learned English on my own without any formal classes. In Germany, I will be able to experience and appreciate another important language and culture.

Through my achievements, I have demonstrated accomplishment in and a passion for technology. Furthermore, I have demonstrated leadership, initiative, and a desire to learn about business and technology in a global setting. If accepted, I will add diversity to your program, and I will do my best to exceed your expectations. I am confident that I will meet my career and personal goals while studying at Cologne University of Applied Sciences.

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours truly,

Ankit Vora

Ankit Vora · Answer

Thank you so much sir.. yes that was a mistake actually i am planning for both so that happened. but u did a very great change and m attaching the final copy please revise tell if any other item that are remaining to add or what ? i am so much obliged....
so the final letter is --

Ankit vora
Address:(-----------)

Tel: (-----------)

Cell phone: (-----------)

Email: (-----------)

Admissions Office

University of Bremen
Bremen, Germany.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to apply to your Master of Engineering in Automation & IT program for the 2013 summer term.

My career objective is to start my own business in the field of automation because from childhood I have been passionate about robotics and machinery. In order to reach my objective, I want to acquire advanced knowledge to combine information technology and automation. Because Germany has a proud history of engineering achievement, I want to study at Bremen University to meet my academic and career goals.

I studied Electronics and Communication Engineering at Gujarat Technological University. During my studies, I achieved a CGPA of 6.21 out of a possible 10. I have taken part in many inter-collegiate competitions in robotics and other technical events as well as received awards from my college.

My last semester college project was “GEO-Fencing”. I developed a powerful security device that can track the location of anything on which it is installed and also restrict the vehicle to the area of one's choice on the earth's surface. This device is useful in many rural areas; for example, in my country, India, raft fishermen sometimes mistakenly cross the border into Pakistan and are imprisoned, but this device can help them stop before reaching the border. That project allowed me to develop in various ways: I programmed the micro-controller alone, and it took two months to complete the project. The head of my department selected my project as the best in the class. Also in my 7^th semester, I developed a project for Servotronics Ltd.: the company defined a problem and I developed a solution, which was challenging, but the knowledge I have acquired helped me understand how things work in industry.

I have always enjoyed leadership roles. I have been active in organizing many technical and non-technical events in my college, where I was an active member of the student organizing committee as well as my class representative. I am also a member of the Indian Society for Technical Education. Through these opportunities, I have learned to manage time and work effectively and improved my leadership and decision-making skills.

After I finished my university studies in May of 2012, I started training in Nokia-Siemens Networks, working under the IN and VAS Departments, where I learned the technical aspects of communication engineering and how the concepts are used in real life. Afterwards I started another training internship in the Vodaphone Essar Group under the STP and Data Communications Departments.

As evidence of my dedication to gaining experience in a global setting, I learned English on my own without any formal classes. In Germany, I will be able to experience and appreciate another important language and culture.

Through my achievements, I have demonstrated accomplishment in and a passion for technology. Furthermore, I have demonstrated leadership, initiative, and a desire to learn about business and technology in a global setting. If accepted, I will add diversity to your program, and I will do my best to exceed your expectations. I am confident that I will meet my career and personal goals while studying at University of Bremen.

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours truly,

Ankit Vora

regardiing letter of motivation please help

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