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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Letter Writing
Refusal letter
Hello everyone,
I got an assignment on writing a refusal letter. I did it and send to my professor. She sent me the file back with her general feed back on it. I tried to fix all her comments but I am not sure that I did it right. Could you please check it for me?
Thanks in advance
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Here is the letter with her comments on it.
RESPONDING TO MULTICULRAL LANGUAGUE ISSUES
We are please to receive your concern letter about language issues for multicultural guests. review class notes…..reader’s concern is not how pleased the writer is. .. think about this…why would you be pleased to get a request that you are going to have to refuse? According to our research, the mission of the Office of International Services is to foster cross-cultural understanding and enable international students to accomplish their educational, social, and professional objectives at Indiana University. Therefore, one of your goal in this academic year to achieve that statement is to collaborate with other community units to develop, and implement services to enhance cross-cultural awareness and strengthen the provision of programs and services to international students, faculty, and staff. As a major retail organization, we totally agree with your idea and we are happy to help the internation students to incorporate with this community.this information—after it is revised for conciseness is good information. .it just isn’t information that should be in the opening paragraph. Opening paragraph is two or three sentences—onsubject neutral opening to get the reader to continue reading.
One of the reason that the international student come to the U.S to study is because they want to improve their English skills and also to learn more about the U.S culture. Therefore, to achieve that goal, one of the best ways is to deal with English as much as possible. Based on a science research, reading advertisements and in-store signages in English can help the foreigners expanding their skills effectively in such a short time. In addition, at Williams’ Inc many multicultural team members who come from those countries that was listed in your letter will always be available to help customers when they have difficulties to understand the advertisements and signs. Without a doubt, customers will receive benefits from using English advertisements.
When word gives you a red or green underline, that means something is wrong grammatically. Always proofread those very carefully.
At Williams’ Inc, customer satisfaction is our suceess. We are bringing the best to our customers not only by the quality products but also by improving their happiness and knowledge. And we believe that all other retailers in this coummunity will share this common thought. So we all share that using English advertisements will bring our customers closer to success in inproving their English skills.I like your idea. .. .but be sure the refusal is clear but positive.
We understand that your national meeting on October 24 is a great chance to share the good news that all major retailers in this community will try their best to support the multicutural guests. Therefore, please bring to the national meeting our promise that we still, and will always , try to make our multicultural customers happy when shopping at our stores. And using English advertisements is one in many good ways to do that.
We deeply appreciate that you took the time to bring your efforts to our attention. We look forward to receiving more thoughful suggestions and ideas from you in the near future.
I got an assignment on writing a refusal letter. I did it and send to my professor. She sent me the file back with her general feed back on it. I tried to fix all her comments but I am not sure that I did it right. Could you please check it for me?
Thanks in advance
---------------------------------------------------------------
Here is the letter with her comments on it.
RESPONDING TO MULTICULRAL LANGUAGUE ISSUES
We are please to receive your concern letter about language issues for multicultural guests. review class notes…..reader’s concern is not how pleased the writer is. .. think about this…why would you be pleased to get a request that you are going to have to refuse? According to our research, the mission of the Office of International Services is to foster cross-cultural understanding and enable international students to accomplish their educational, social, and professional objectives at Indiana University. Therefore, one of your goal in this academic year to achieve that statement is to collaborate with other community units to develop, and implement services to enhance cross-cultural awareness and strengthen the provision of programs and services to international students, faculty, and staff. As a major retail organization, we totally agree with your idea and we are happy to help the internation students to incorporate with this community.this information—after it is revised for conciseness is good information. .it just isn’t information that should be in the opening paragraph. Opening paragraph is two or three sentences—onsubject neutral opening to get the reader to continue reading.
One of the reason that the international student come to the U.S to study is because they want to improve their English skills and also to learn more about the U.S culture. Therefore, to achieve that goal, one of the best ways is to deal with English as much as possible. Based on a science research, reading advertisements and in-store signages in English can help the foreigners expanding their skills effectively in such a short time. In addition, at Williams’ Inc many multicultural team members who come from those countries that was listed in your letter will always be available to help customers when they have difficulties to understand the advertisements and signs. Without a doubt, customers will receive benefits from using English advertisements.
When word gives you a red or green underline, that means something is wrong grammatically. Always proofread those very carefully.
At Williams’ Inc, customer satisfaction is our suceess. We are bringing the best to our customers not only by the quality products but also by improving their happiness and knowledge. And we believe that all other retailers in this coummunity will share this common thought. So we all share that using English advertisements will bring our customers closer to success in inproving their English skills.I like your idea. .. .but be sure the refusal is clear but positive.
We understand that your national meeting on October 24 is a great chance to share the good news that all major retailers in this community will try their best to support the multicutural guests. Therefore, please bring to the national meeting our promise that we still, and will always , try to make our multicultural customers happy when shopping at our stores. And using English advertisements is one in many good ways to do that.
We deeply appreciate that you took the time to bring your efforts to our attention. We look forward to receiving more thoughful suggestions and ideas from you in the near future.
Top answer
Hi, You need to think about all your teacher's comments, and try to make the appropriate changes. Please do that, and then post your revised version here, without your teacher's comments. That will make it easier for us to read what you have written and give you our comments.
- Hi, You need to think about all your teacher's comments, and try to make the appropriate changes.
- Please do that, and then post your revised version here, without your teacher's comments.
- That will make it easier for us to read what you have written and give you our comments.
- Is there a refusal in this refusal letter?
- I didn't see it.
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5 Answers
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Hi,
You need to think about all your teacher's comments, and try to make the appropriate changes. Please do that, and then post your revised version here, without your teacher's comments. That will make it easier for us to read what you have written and give you our comments.
Is there a refusal in this refusal letter? I didn't see it.
Best wishes, Clive
You need to think about all your teacher's comments, and try to make the appropriate changes. Please do that, and then post your revised version here, without your teacher's comments. That will make it easier for us to read what you have written and give you our comments.
Is there a refusal in this refusal letter? I didn't see it.
Best wishes, Clive
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Here is my correction. Please give it a look, thanks
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RESPONDING TO MULTICULRAL LANGUAGUE ISSUES
Thank you for your letter concerning about language issues for multicultural guests. It has been given serious consideration by our company.
According to our research, the mission of the Off
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RESPONDING TO MULTICULRAL LANGUAGUE ISSUES
Thank you for your letter concerning about language issues for multicultural guests. It has been given serious consideration by our company.
According to our research, the mission of the Off
00
Hi,
RESPONDING TO MULTICULtuRAL LANGUAGUE ISSUES Your title is not very helpful. I read just about all of this before I figured out what you had complained about.
Thank you for your letter concerning language issues for multicultural guests. Your suggestion that (restate it here, briefly) has been given serious consideration by our company.
RESPONDING TO MULTICULtuRAL LANGUAGUE ISSUES Your title is not very helpful. I read just about all of this before I figured out what you had complained about.
Thank you for your letter concerning language issues for multicultural guests. Your suggestion that (restate it here, briefly) has been given serious consideration by our company.
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Dear Clive,
Thank you so much for taking your time to help me. Unfortunately, I already turned in my assignment before I had the chance to read your valuable comments. I hope I will get your help in the upcoming assignments.
Minhiub
Thank you so much for taking your time to help me. Unfortunately, I already turned in my assignment before I had the chance to read your valuable comments. I hope I will get your help in the upcoming assignments.
Minhiub
00
You need to assess each and every aspect of their requirement and considering all the details in mind the draft should be formulated and then again presented to yuor teachers.
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