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Chowbarry Posted 10 years ago
Letter Writing
Referral Case
Please help me improve the following e-mail. Thank you very much.
Dear Mr. Ledson,
We refer to the above complaint case regarding overgrown trees at Queen's Avenue referred by the City Council on 18.04.2016.
We investigated the trees on 20.04.2016 and confirmed those were located at a slope currently managed by the Department for Transport. As such, we clarified our position to the City Council and suggested them to refer the case to the Department for Transport for follow-up action.
However, the complaint case was referred back by the City Council to us on 18.05.2016, stating that the Department for Transport had carried out pruning works on the overgrown trees on the slope under their management, but they pointed out that some of overgrown trees were located outside their managed slope and hence they recommended the City Council to refer the case to the relevant parties to follow the case.
Subsequently, we re-investigated the case on 22.05.2016 and we are now still uncertain whether the trees were of roadside trees category and therefore should be under your management. As such, we would like to transfer the case to your section for clarification and follow-up action as and when required. Please don't hesitate to let us know your findings on the case if you have completed your investigation shortly.
Yours sincerely,
PY
Dear Mr. Ledson,
We refer to the above complaint case regarding overgrown trees at Queen's Avenue referred by the City Council on 18.04.2016.
We investigated the trees on 20.04.2016 and confirmed those were located at a slope currently managed by the Department for Transport. As such, we clarified our position to the City Council and suggested them to refer the case to the Department for Transport for follow-up action.
However, the complaint case was referred back by the City Council to us on 18.05.2016, stating that the Department for Transport had carried out pruning works on the overgrown trees on the slope under their management, but they pointed out that some of overgrown trees were located outside their managed slope and hence they recommended the City Council to refer the case to the relevant parties to follow the case.
Subsequently, we re-investigated the case on 22.05.2016 and we are now still uncertain whether the trees were of roadside trees category and therefore should be under your management. As such, we would like to transfer the case to your section for clarification and follow-up action as and when required. Please don't hesitate to let us know your findings on the case if you have completed your investigation shortly.
Yours sincerely,
PY
Top answer
You are using too many words. Readers get impatient and you lose your audience. Dear Mr.
- You are using too many words.
- Readers get impatient and you lose your audience.
- Dear Mr.
- Ledson, Pursuant to the above complaint about unpruned trees on Queen's Avenue referred by the City Council on April 18th, we investigated on the 20th and found that they are on a slope managed by the Department of Transport.
- We explained this to the City Council and suggested they refer the case to that department.
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2 Answers
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You are using too many words. Readers get impatient and you lose your audience.
Dear Mr. Ledson,
Pursuant to the above complaint about unpruned trees on Queen's Avenue referred by the City Council on April 18th, we investigated on the 20th and found that they are on a slope managed by the Department of Transport. We explained this to the City Council and suggested they
Dear Mr. Ledson,
Pursuant to the above complaint about unpruned trees on Queen's Avenue referred by the City Council on April 18th, we investigated on the 20th and found that they are on a slope managed by the Department of Transport. We explained this to the City Council and suggested they
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