Reducing repeated words on a paragraph?!

Question

Hey! I'm working on a description paragraph. At the moment the word count stands at 100. How can I reduce words that I frequently use?

I've used the words:
the 8 times
a/an 6 times
in 3 times
from 2 times
bat (as in the animal) 5 times

I appreciate your help!!

Michael Chambers Teaching English · Accepted Answer

It's better if you post the whole paragraph.  Do you know about parallel structure?  There may be other ways of being more concise.  Kind regards, Michael

FredrikKaspersen · Answer

Hey, I'll post it in a bit!

FredrikKaspersen · Answer

Michael Chambers Teaching EnglishIt's better if you post the whole paragraph. Do you know about parallel structure? There may be other ways of being more concise. Kind regards, Michael

Here it is. I'd also appreciate if you (or anyone else for that matter) could leave some constructive criticism as well as point out some grammatical errors. However, I do not want it to be too specific, I still have to do work on it myself! Thanks a lot.

The image comprises an obscure and vivid scenery. Seen from a far distance, a dozen tiny bats are closing in. They are flying diagonally towards the viewer, away from a dim and surrounding darkness. In the upper right corner of the image, a menacing bat, large in size appears.

A soft glow hits the back of the bat, creating an emphasizing dramatic look. With its wing membrane wide open, the bat flies over an owl. In contrast to the bats, the owl is brightly lit up. It is followed by a group of its own breed, sailing along the ground. A much sharper light reveals their long white feathers and their brown faded torso. The dusk atmosphere creates depth and increased sense of movement in the picture.

(Analysis of

)

Michael Chambers Teaching English · Answer

The image is an obscure yet vivid scene. Seen from afar, a dozen tiny bats are closing in. They are flying diagonally towards the viewer, away from the surrounding darkness. In the upper right corner, a large menacing bat appears. A soft glow hits the back of the bat, creating a dramatic look. With its wing membrane wide open, the bat flies over an owl.

In contrast to the bats, the owl is brightly lit up. It is followed by a group of its own species, gliding along the ground. A sharp light reveals their long white feathers and their brown faded torsos. The dim atmosphere creates depth and an increased sense of movement in the picture.

116 words. It would be hard to reduce it to 100 words without taking out something meaningful. I've removed some redundant words, changed some other words to sound better and made some corrections (in bold).

My favourite collective noun for any animal is for a group of owls - "a parliament of owls". It would be great if you could use it!

Kind regards, Michael

FredrikKaspersen · Answer

Thanks for helping me out!

Reducing repeated words on a paragraph?!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions