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English 1b3 Posted 16 years ago
Grammar

Reduced Sentence

Liberals prefer the ideas of Marx where the government is smarter than you, and while not a dictatorship is a collective group that decides what is best for everyone.

Is the above acceptable?

Is it reduced from below?

Liberals prefer the ideas of Marx where the government is smarter than you, and where, while it is not a dictatorship, it is a collective group that decides what is best for everyone.

Thanks
  

Top answer

I suppose it is, but it's very hard to follow. " I'd put the darned thing in parentheses! The second version is framed that way for a reason.

— Avangi

  • I suppose it is, but it's very hard to follow.
  • " I'd put the darned thing in parentheses!
  • The second version is framed that way for a reason.
  • " Do you really think "where the government is smarter than you" should be a restrictive clause??
  • Do you mean the liberals don't like his ideas where the government is dumber than you?
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3 Answers
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I suppose it is, but it's very hard to follow. You need some way to strongly set off "while not a dictatorship." I'd put the darned thing in parentheses!

The second version is framed that way for a reason.
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Hi, Avangi

I didn't actually write this sentence. Though the sentence reads just OK to my ears, I came accross problems when parsing it. The original was the reduced version by the way; the other version was my attempt at making it easier to parse and perhaps slightly more intelligible, well for me anyway...

So basically I'm asking if you think the original is acceptable and whe
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Well, you can see from my double-blind objective test, I chose your version - the longer one, naturally - although I thought it was the other way around.

I'll answer Yes, and yes, provided you add the suggested comma, plus a second one to unrestrict the clause.
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