Re-Submit this Essay after being corrected as an anonymous post

Dear kind teachers/masters of the forum,

Please help me to correct this essay which I previous posted when I had registered in the forum. The essay contains many silly errors. So, after rewriting it, I would like to submit again. Please help me. Thank you very much.

___________________________________________

TOPIC: Students should take a part-time job. Do you agree or not. Explain your justification.

ESSAY. (Rewritten)

Many people believe that, apart from focusing on their studies, students should also take a part-time job. I totally agree with this view and think that students can benefit greatly and acquire invaluable experience by doing so.

First of all, I am of the opinion that students will have a good chance to acquaint themselves with the world of work through part-time jobs. Learning only at schools or universities does not provide students with realistic, adequate knowledge and skills to cope with the highly competitive world outside. Thus, only by taking part-time jobs can students gain insights into the routine of work and prepare themselves for their future. Moreover, engaging in part-time jobs can enable them to further improve their living skills, especially on a social level, since many jobs require them to communicate with their employers, customers or co-workers. In addition, students can also develop many essential habits such as saving money and being more responsible, dutiful with their work.

On the other hand, part-time jobs can have a direct and detrimental effect on students by affecting their studies. Once committed to fulfil their duties, students can consequently lose interest and suffer from lack of energy and health to continue their studies in a proper manner.

However, I believe that these claims are unfounded. To illustrate, many jobs do not involve laborious, physically demanding activities and students can always apply for jobs that best suit their timetable. Furthermore, in view of the tremendous benefits of taking a part-time job, the advantages it provides certainly outweigh the drawbacks.

In conclusion, I believe every student should take a part-time job. Only by working while studying can they acquire the necessary skills and knowledge to lay the foundation of their future.