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Tobias Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Rating Essay -Help Seeking

Please help me rate my essay so that I can improve my writing skill. Thank you so much!

Topic: Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Indisputably, innate ability, skill, and mental stability are vital factors that attribute an individual’s competence. Hence, there are people that hold the belief that high schools and universities should intervene to discourage students to pursue fields of study in which they are less likely to be successful. However, I generally disagree with the statement and would argue that young learners rather be unfettered to choose which area of study they would pursue as their later careers since

these factors solely are not adequate to ensure a person’s success and happiness.


First of all, what is the definition of “success”? Inevitably, the way educational institutions define “success” may deviate from students’ perspectives. In this sense, students may value personal happiness and work their dream jobs far more important than getting lucrative jobs or getting promoted while universities and social norm hold the reversed belief. In other words, the expectations of society and educational institutions about success are probably going to be far more subjective. Thus, it is highly inappropriate for universities to decide students’ careers.


Admittedly, educational institutions’’ counselors, as well as complex qualification system, may be able to identify the field of studies which are most suitable for students. However, there has not been a valid method and standard, that universities utilize to make decisions about students’ talents and competence. On account of this, it is not necessary to consider student assessment conducted by these institutions as the most reliable reference.


To conclude, it is undeniable that educational institutions may predict students’ chances of being successful in a certain area of subjects, based on ones’ academic achievement and competence. Still, it does not mean that these institutions should intervene to define students’ career paths.

  

Top answer

Your essay shows that you have a good mastery of English grammar, and are well on your way to achieving a sophisticated vocabulary. You make some mistakes in sentence structure and word usage, as noted by my highlighting. So it is very good as a demonstration of your competence in the language.

  • Your essay shows that you have a good mastery of English grammar, and are well on your way to achieving a sophisticated vocabulary.
  • You make some mistakes in sentence structure and word usage, as noted by my highlighting.
  • So it is very good as a demonstration of your competence in the language.
  • On the other hand, it goes far off-topic, mainly because you did not interpret the topic statement accurately.
  • You also did not address the compelling reasons or examples that challenge your position.
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1 Answers
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Your essay shows that you have a good mastery of English grammar, and are well on your way to achieving a sophisticated vocabulary. You make some mistakes in sentence structure and word usage, as noted by my highlighting. So it is very good as a demonstration of your competence in the language.

On the other hand, it goes far off-topic, mainly because you did not interpret the topic stat

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