Rate/Edit My Essay: Help?

I would really appreciate any help editing my essay. It would really mean a lot to me; true story

Here I am on the verge of tears because mom has just laid it out for me that college may not be an option. "You can find a job and save up, then maybe go to college next year, but not right now", she tells me. And here I am, sitting at the table with the light from the laptop screen shining on my soon to be tear stained face. But no, I won't cry. This is just a minor setback, I reassure myself. Mom is just talking crazy; the spur of the moment at just hearing that she has to afford $1200 by June.

There's juxtaposition in the whole room because I can't allow everything I've worked so hard for to vanish right before my eyes. And mom, she definitely won't jeopardize our perfectly stationary living conditions, however meager, for my college education. I can question her integrity all I want, rethink all of those I'm proud of you(s) and still know that she means well. I can't expect her to dig deep when her pockets are empty. She's just a poor, working class mom like most of the people in this neighborhood.

My mind is racing; it's all up to me now. If anyone ever wanted to know why teenagers sought out loans they could take a look at my situation. It isn't over yet though, I won't put myself into debt that easily. This is yet another obstacle that I must overcome. So, I'll grip my Bible in hand and hold it close to my heart, knowing that somehow I'm going to make it through all of this. God will be on my side, He's just got to be.