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Jobb Posted 21 years ago
Grammar
Rain and dream
Please edit it:
It began to rain when I was in my sleeping dream, and continued pouring at noon. Anything under the skies looked whitish, wet around: streets, vehicles, trees, roadside buildings and popped up umbrellas. Apparently the rain had washed away the noise and ***leness of the city, along with dust in the air ever blowing around like the gossamer ***leness.
It began to rain when I was in my sleeping dream, and continued pouring at noon. Anything under the skies looked whitish, wet around: streets, vehicles, trees, roadside buildings and popped up umbrellas. Apparently the rain had washed away the noise and ***leness of the city, along with dust in the air ever blowing around like the gossamer ***leness.
Top answer
Literature is a very personal thing to edit, however: 'It began to rain when I was in my dream, and continued pouring until noon. Everything under the skies looked whitish and wet: streets, vehicles, trees, roadside buildings and open umbrellas. ' 'Sleeping' is redundant, as that is when dreams normally occur.
- Literature is a very personal thing to edit, however: 'It began to rain when I was in my dream, and continued pouring until noon.
- Everything under the skies looked whitish and wet: streets, vehicles, trees, roadside buildings and open umbrellas.
- ' 'Sleeping' is redundant, as that is when dreams normally occur.
- '***leness' twice is a no-no.
- 'Gossamer' is too nice an image.
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4 Answers
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Literature is a very personal thing to edit, however:
'It began to rain when I was in my dream, and continued pouring until noon. Everything under the skies looked whitish and wet: streets, vehicles, trees, roadside buildings and open umbrellas. The rain had washed away the noise and ***leness of the city, along with the dust always blowing around like shattered cobwebs.'
'Sle
'It began to rain when I was in my dream, and continued pouring until noon. Everything under the skies looked whitish and wet: streets, vehicles, trees, roadside buildings and open umbrellas. The rain had washed away the noise and ***leness of the city, along with the dust always blowing around like shattered cobwebs.'
'Sle
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Wow, "shattered cobweb" is really imaginative! What a wonderful description!
Regarding the rain, which was still pouring at noon, not "continued pouring until noon". I have to translate it exactly according to what original writer said.
So I use "It began to rain when I was in my dream, and was still pouring at noon". Does it work?
Regarding the rain, which was still pouring at noon, not "continued pouring until noon". I have to translate it exactly according to what original writer said.
So I use "It began to rain when I was in my dream, and was still pouring at noon". Does it work?
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I was just trying to change 'gossamer' to the right tenor for this piece, Jobb. Thank you.
Yes, '...and was still pouring at noon' works fine.
Yes, '...and was still pouring at noon' works fine.
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