Rain.....

As I look up at the sky
Laden with deep black clouds
I stand with bated breath
To welcome you to my door
Of boredom and depression.
You come by as a pleasant guest
Stay with me for a while
Make me dwell in your music
And go away to a far off land
Leaving me with sweet memories
And dreams unknown.
Rain, rain come to me
Come to me, more of

In the rainbow colors of the sky
after the rain passed away

My heart leaped up to behold
A hidden pot of gold

Gold as heart could ever be
hidden in body , wet to see.

A drop of water on forehead
And drenched droplets from the head

Reached him slowly from the ground
My heart with him was bound.

I reached up to wipe his head

0 Hello Anita 02br
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00It seems to me that the beginning of your 1st rain poem is better than the end, and the end of your 2nd rain poem is better than the beginning. How would it be if you combined them? —e.g. took the first 6 lines ('As I hear the rain ...The unsaid words of innocence') from the first, and the lines 6 to 11 (from 'You come by...' to 'And dreams unknown')

0 As I hear the rain 02br
00In the background of my mind 02br
00I see a shadow 02br
00In the depth of my brain 02br
00Lurking to say 02br
00The unsaid words of innocence 02br
00You come by as a pleasant guest 02br
00Stay with me for a while 02br
00Make me dwell in your music 02br
00

0 I know what you mean. But I think sometimes it's good, when there's something missing (the 'unsaid words'). It can open up a poem. 02br
02br
00I wonder whether a small change in the punctuation would help: 02br
02hr

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02br
02br
00As I hear the rain 02br
00In the background of my mind 02br
00I see a shadow 02b

0 Actually, there seems to be pessimism in the first stanza and optimism in the second... the link between the two seems to be missing... What is your opinion Mr.P? 0-

0 Well, I suppose I do prefer poems where nothing is too explicit. I like a writer to arrange a few things in an interesting pattern, and leave me to work out why they're there. I quite like the ambiguity of the revised version: it seems closer to how things are. 02br
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00This may be merely personal preference, though! 02br
02br
00Have you ever come ac

0 Do u mean the artist Joseph Cornell? What about him? Does he write poetry too? Or r u talking about surrealism, Mr.P? 0-

0 Hello Anita 02br
02br
00I don't think he wrote poetry – I was thinking of his boxes. I've often wondered what the verse equivalent would be. A very strict form, I suppose, with a random collection of images inside. 02br
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00It would be interesting to present someone with a box of 5 random objects, and say 'write a poem about it'. 02br
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0 I have read poems written inspired by paintings. I have visited sites which give ten words and ask any body who visits to write poems with those words. I think it is possible to look at 5 random objects and connect them into a poem. It would sure be nice if something challenging like that be introduced in our these forums. 0-